“I was born into the Hebrew persuasion, but when I got older I converted to narcissism…” Woody Allen

If you’re an older guy [in some cases, old enough to be your girlfriend’s grandfather], and can’t live [literally] in the absence of very young lovers [over the age of 18, for our purposes here], you must hone the craft of pathology-mining.

See, what drives two people together often involves unresolved family-of-origin matters; in other words, people who share similar pathologies and then subconsciously try to reconcile them under the pretense of an interpersonal relationship.

Such pathologies often begin with [but are not limited to]:

1] A narcissistic and domineering father

2] Sexual and emotional abuse

3] Alcoholism

So when we say that we are insanely attracted to someone, what we’re really saying is that we are insane, period.

And this “insanity” pushes us to any lengths [think heroin] to achieve a union with such a person. Of course, if it happens to be a man – and you’re heterosexual – then the two of you will end up fighting over the same women.

Nonetheless, men who carry these afflictions know that well-adjusted women are not going to be physically attracted to anyone 35 to 60 years their senior. But the level of damage incurred as a child can act as a “carbon credit” for every 10 years he exceeds what most people perceive to be age-appropriate.

So, if a man is 35 years older than the woman he wants to date, he can subtract 10 or 15 years from his biological age, depending on the level of damage she inherited from her first set of parents.

The deeper the pathology, the greater the number of credits.

And you guys who ply this trade know exactly what I’m talking about, so don’t even think about feigning ignorance.

Older men have learned the art of sensing – and then exploiting - such conflicts, which they transfer from her father over to himself. He is now the new and improved patriarch who carries with him the promise of redemption from the abuse she suffered as a child…only this time around he gets to actually sleep with her; which is the point of whole goddamned thing anyway.

So now the afflictions has turned sexual, which provides him an even stronger position from which to burrow in and obliterate whatever’s left of an already fractured template.

Of course, he must be prepared to bear down on her like a hurricane and not let go until the last breath of resistance has run its course. Most men of conscience and self-esteem would walk away from a kill of this design, but not those carrying enough pathology in their veins to power an entire city block in, say, Manhattan.

With this in mind, let’s broach Cinderella for the millionth time:

Both men and women drag this fantasy along with them throughout their lives. The difference is that women are willing to swap certain traits for others; like security for good looks.

Men, on the other hand, won’t give up the looks part to save their lives, and the security thing is something they’ll face down the road, after they’ve slept with them.

She must possess the following - though you’ll never get men to break this down for you:

1] A symmetrical body [flat stomach, round butt]

2] Well-balanced facial features

3] Straight, white teeth, pink gums, clear skin and bright eyes

3] Education [beyond second grade]

4] A carnal nature [Think Nacho Vidal's "Blowjob Impossible III"]

5] Enough damage to keep her dependent on him

He must possess [but she isn't conscious of]:

1] Everything her father didn’t give her, period.

Physically unattractive women tend to be better adjusted. This is because they’ve had to deal with life from a compensatory perspective. All men realize this, but they still go for the beauty because their own narcissism blinds them to qualities that stand the test of time; an abstraction to most men.

One could argue, then, that this tendency is consistent with evolution’s design to perpetuate the species by keeping men focused on hunting down, and procreating with, the most physically desirable women. But what evolution overlooked is that we eventually developed brains, which means that we’re also breeding a new race of sociopathic narcissists, with a predilection for self-destruction.

Just an asside.