02 Sep 2009, Posted by jay rusovich , 0 Comments

What It Takes…

…and why it’s never fair or equal. She pays her price. he pays his.

Live Dolls aren’t just 125 pounds of rubber.

They’re 5 feet 6 inches of perfectly proportioned rubber.

If they were 4’8” at this weight, they would be fat. But they’re not fat, which is one reason you can expect to pay seven thousand dollars for a typical blonde.

And when she cracks or discolors, you can buy another one. You can keep the same head if you happen to like her personality, for example. They’ll just re-attach it to a new body so you can string out the fantasy forever, which is about as long as most men expect them to last.

Back in the other reality, just step into the hearts of most older women and you’ll witness romantic constructs collapsing like decks of cards in a Blitzkrieg. This is because they can’t keep up no matter what they do. This doesn’t stop them from trying, however. And thank God, because a few of us still opt for something with a heartbeat, no matter how bad the conversation.

When it gets down to it, women over a certain age understand that men want a trophy in exchange for their efforts. They want a trophy, period, but they expect to have one commensurate with their level of financial achievement.

So if their efforts pay big dividends, the wife better be able to do more than cook.

Men also know that most women would drop their law practices in a heartbeat for the right man. Hell, I know one woman who moved to El Paso from Boca Raton. Of course, you’d be hard-pressed to find a man willing to even move down the street. This is because it’s her job to move, not his.

And by the way, randomly pick any attractive female attorney in her mid-thirties and I promise you she wants nothing to do with law. In fact, she hates law. She hates lawyers. And now she hates herself. Why? Because she wants a man in her life no matter what the hell she tells you. He may still prefer the rubber thing, but she wants a living man, and will do what’s necessary to get one.

Women must exert enormous energy maintaining their appearances, which they do for men.  This is one of those unspoken tenets that never seem to apply in the reverse…because he has other things top worry about that have nothing whatsoever to do with make-up, but everything whatsoever to do with paying for it.

Understand this: men value beauty above all else and WOMEN KNOW IT.

So it’s a power struggle: Money versus Beauty.

The problem here is that the struggle is not unlike gambling in Vegas. The house will eventually win. However, if you started out with a law degree you may be able to negotiate a golden parachute once the beauty fades.

Otherwise, I suggest you invest in realdolls.com and live off the interest.

31 Aug 2009, Posted by jay rusovich , 0 Comments

Children of the Damned

For those of you visiting the planet for the first time, these are media creations, not actual people. If you abduct them you will learn nothing about what it feels like to be human, because they only know what it looks like to feel visible.

There’s a difference.

Final Comments: This is the only time in their lives that they get a pass for what appears to be blatant pantomime.

But once people outside of nightclubs and parking lots realize the male is not a rock star, an ultimate fighter, or even a high school graduate, he will be forced to become an actual person, which is a lot tougher than the rock star part.

Of course, it’s also possible that he’s the product of photographic manipulation, in which case he’s more real than I thought.

The object with its tongue out is mimicking animal sexual behavior, which underscores her key area of confidence.

No elaboration required.

I assume this is the reason time was put aside from her busy entertainment schedule to document this historic moment with Bruno the Great.

People are forever trying to solidify their transparency [invisibility], which may sound odd, but in the mind of a pathological narcissist, if they aren’t noticed, they don’t.

Bruno inks its entire body, which will make it difficult to secure a job as anything but a gas station attendant or convict out on work furlough.

In time, of course, the balance of the costume can be removed.

But if the aforementioned job openings are not available there will be some explaining to do over at IBM’s Human Resouces department.

Note: Someone sent me this photograph from an image bank on the web. It brought to mind the desiccated remains of the pilot of an interstellar starship in Alien who was discovered with a hole in his stomach courtesy of something that decided to give birth to itself at his expense.

This is the result.

Of course, these could also be two extras from Central Casting during a scene break in a new Road Warrior series.

If this is the case, my bad.

11 Aug 2009, Posted by jay rusovich , 4 Comments

Dr. Anton Zegoyavich Demands Refund from AshleyMadison.com

“They sent me a snake! I assure you! Do not be fooled by appearances!”

PLEASE NOTE: Within the past few days my blogging has been stymied due to certain unforeseen events. This has led to psychiatric reactions that should be within my control, but still aren’t, which is why remain in therapy. Posting will resume tomorrow — after my electro-convulsive therapy and Haldol injections.

UPDATE: It’s the next day and I have decided, instead, to give my cats the Haldol and skip the ECT altogether.

So Anton and I chat…

AZ:

They sent me a snake!

J:

Anton, please calm down. What exactly happened?

AZ:

The thing came to me in the night, like something that hunts in the cover of darkness. Oh, yes, beautiful. But, beware my friend, beware. This is no ordinary creature. Not at all. No sir. Not ordinary in the least.

J:

What could possibly be so horrible about a beautiful married woman they sent you? I mean they didn’t even send a hooker, for Christ sake! You paid a basic membership fee!

AZ:

Ah ha! You immediately called it woman. How do you know what it was? How can you be sure?

J:

The website targets married people who want to have affairs. They don’t do anything other than provide the website. The rest is up to you. They had nothing to do with your hook-up.

AZ:

What is ‘hook-up?” You think for a minute I would waste my vast array of skills on foolishness? This is the ploy they use, but it is useless with me, you see.

J:

Anton, they didn’t do anything. You did. You obviously contacted some desperate married woman, sent her a fake photograph and lured her out here into the desert. My guess is that you intended to inject her  and she ran, but probably the moment she met you. Is this the photo you used?

[jpeg of 22-year old college athlete sits on his desktop next to his schematic of The Atomic Table of Elements.]

AZ:

Do not dare to insult me, I warn you! The snake came at me like a wild animals and attempted to strike!

J:

You lied to her, and then attempted to assault her with your completely illegal experiments! The last woman is still on morphine!

Did you try to stick her?

AZ:

I don’t use such crude terminology. I will not even acknowledge it!

J:

I had to bail you out of jail for sticking that hooker with python cells, which almost killed her, by the way. And if the authorities could find you, you’d be behind bars for the rest of your life.

AZ:

I have already expressed to you my feelings about these feeble beings. I have no interest in them.

J:

Well they have a great deal of interest in you.

AZ:

The woman should be proud of her sacrifice. Enough about this! Let us move on.

J:

Let’s talk about Ashleymadison.com. You have demanded a refund on your initiation fee, but you paid with a stolen credit card and used a phony mailing address.

AZ:

I called a hooker from there. A true thing of interest, I assure you. I told her to come here right away to pursue matters of mutual interest.

J:

Who’s mutual interest? She though she was coming out here to meet a handsome young athlete for sex.

AZ:

How dare you! Be careful, I warn you. I know what you are saying!

J:

Where’s the black eye come from? The woman probably punched you and then ran for her life.

AZ:

I am completely and finished with this discussion in its current form. I will have absolutely no more of it.

J:

Why would you contact a service like Ashley Madison in the first place?

AZ:

I found myself somewhat fascinated. That is all.

J:

Anton, were you trying to get laid?

AZ:

Don’t dare say that! I am warning you for the last time!

J:

You were trying to connect with a woman in a sexual way, weren’t you?

AZ:

Stop that! My research comes first and foremost! Why I must repeat this time after time is unbelievable to me.

J:

I dunno…23, flawless ass, sexy, unfulfilled…it just kind of begs the question.

AZ:

Believe what you will! The fact that I remain quite virile, I assure you, and astounding to many women, is of no significance here.

J:

Anton, women like guys with money no matter how good looking they are, or aren’t…just to put things in proper context.

This would include women from AshleyMadison.com who aren’t looking as much for affairs  – which they can find at any neighborhood grocery store – as much as they are looking for better living arrangements.

All this leads me to question your real motives. Is this about research or is it a desire to connect?

AZ:

I have no idea what you are saying. Our conversation is at an end, I am afraid.

J:

It’s funny how the things we don’t say are the very things that define who we are.

AZ:

OUT!!!

[To be continued…]

08 Aug 2009, Posted by jay rusovich , 2 Comments

What I’ve Learned from Jay Regarding Relationships and Love

1] Love is a transaction at best, if it exists at all in the sense most of us think of it. And it probably doesn’t [exist], but might, depending on how one defines it, which is always kind of obtuse.

Put it this way: It’s along the lines of, either lust, a close friendship…or a full-bore pathology.

2] Love is a tool used to negotiate relationships; and its effectiveness hinges on one’s inability to understand it because it doesn’t really exist in the first place…at least, not the way its billed.

3] Everything boils down to a transaction. You have to negotiate for the best deal possible.

4] A lot of women short change themselves by not understanding negotiations.

5] The most effective way to emasculate a man is to force him to refer to his feelings in first person.

6] If you emasculate a man, he will find someone who makes him feel good about himself and dump you.

7] You better like a man for what he gives you because you aren’t going to get anything more without a supoena.

8] It’s a man’s job to make money…and preferably, lots of it.

9] It’s a woman’s job to be beautiful…and somehow keep it that way.

10] Women have a limited amount of time in which to find a man to subsidize her existence. The more time that passes, the less she gets.

11] As a woman, if you’re over 35 you should forget about having children…unless you have connections at a sperm bank and cash under a mattress.

12] Attractive young men (under 30) are only interested in sex, because, like, when you’re a shark in a school of mullet, you can feed at will.

13] Men in their 30’s will only get seriously involved with women in their 20’s because they know that in 10 years they will still be in their 30’s…and not 40’s, for example.

14] All men will go for the hottest girl they can find.  Period. The rest they’ll sort out later.

15] Men are simple creatures that exist in a constant state of arrested development.

16] Woman are complex creatures who mitigate the conundrum that is their lives with sex, drugs, clothing and chocolate.

17] What a man does for a woman determines her actual worth to him at that given moment in time.

18] A woman with her own career, money etc. does not need -and probably doesn’t want – a man.

19] Men don’t have to be in good shape to have a beautiful woman by their side. They have to be in good shape, financially, to have a beautiful woman at their side.

20] Men should date women half their age plus seven years, until they reach the age of 60, in which case the 7-year thing starts going backwards.

21] Whenever Jay says, “It’s not my role” it means that it’s a woman’s role.

22] Feminism is to blame for the all the confusion and ultimate demise of the heterosexual relationship.

Stopjayrusovich.com is my next venture…xo, YB

06 Aug 2009, Posted by jay rusovich , 1 Comments

The Blessings of Feminism

Here at ground zero of jayrusovichlive.com we talk about things: life, therapy, drug addiction; there’s quite a bit of analysis that goes on. The cost/benefit analysis with regard to, say, a hooker versus a stripper, or a wife versus a hooker, or whether or not it’s just better to get a “Fleshlight” and call it day.

I’ve heard this device will be available on Amazon soon, so be on the look out for it. It serves its purpose and does so in disguise, which makes it a prime candidate for the JRL stamp of approval…but I digress.

Today my office counterpart, Yvonne, was taking a walk in Memorial Park with a friend, and like all you women, they were discussing men. Women are ALWAYS discussing men. We’re fascinating creatures, after all. As predictable as we are obnoxious.

So the girls are chatting away about a man’s concept of the future, and how it plays into whether or not women should date them. My personal opinion is that she just needs to put on some muscle, keep her regular appointments at the Steven Merrill Salon, and learn the fine art of submission.

I also think I may be threatening my own existence and will soon be forced into hiding when she reads this. Of course, I’m going to post it anyway, if, for no other reason, than self- preservation has become an abstraction…thanks to my arrested development, which has rendered me immortal.

Yvonne’s stance is that you can ask a man a few specific questions and get a pretty picture of how he sees his life. If that picture looks relationship-friendly then maybe he’s worth dating, or at least considering in the context of commitment.

However, if the guy can’t come up with anything, you really have to consider the possibility that he doesn’t really want anything more than a piece of ass, which he’ll never admit anyway.

Crass, yes. Male, yes. Relationship-friendly, no.

Maybe you’re different. You could be the one who changes his mind and helps him see there is life beyond the kill-zone; that blessed gift to men underwritten by feminism. I’m a pro-feminist, by the way. Let me grab my JRL approval stamp and smack the great ass of feminism. But again, I digress.

Anyway, while Yvonne was doing her cardio, which is her obligation to men if she wants men in her life, a woman chimed in, “You know it doesn’t change, no matter how old they get.”

Yvonne and her friend turned to see a slender, older woman making her way around the 3-mile track.

“Even when they’re 50 they act the same way. You have to know where you stand with men. If they can’t come up with a decent vision of the future that resembles something you’re interested in, take them at their word – because that is their word [as opposed to women, where there might also be several other words they withhold for various reasons], and walk.”

There’s a reason you don’t have a minimum wage job, honey.”

01 Aug 2009, Posted by jay rusovich , 5 Comments

Note to Myself.

“Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.” Woody Allen

When someone comes into a person’s life – either personally, professionally, or peripherally – a lot of people come with them. You don’t see these people, however, because they’re just a little piece of the person sitting in front of you. The same person who goes by one name, but often deserves at least six.

Apply where necessary.

I’ll just leave it at that.

27 Jul 2009, Posted by jay rusovich , 0 Comments

Marriage: One Couple, One Life…One Person?

Some people are wired for monogamy.

They’re comfortable with “content.” Pushing endorphins through the roof isn’t what keeps them out of mental hospitals. It never did. They don’t need the fire, the unpredictability, and the chaos of life out on the perimeter.

They just pass the baton to their kids and ignore the crows lining their power lines whenever they wander outside alone to stare at the stars and wonder what happened to the person they used to know. The one who still uses their name, social security number and physical mailing address.

This is where Xanax comes in handy, or the hooker housewife from AshleyMadison.com.

But these are the unmentionables. Even thinking about such things in the presence of crows is exactly why they’re sitting up there in the first place.

With this in mind, I actually do know people who accept married life for what it is. And most of them have never heard of ashleymadison.com, nor would they care. Their libido’s beat to a different drummer; someone who’s on vacation a lot.

It’s like they’re from some far away place back in history.

I see bookshelves filled with names like James Patterson, Tom Clancy and Sue Grafton. As an added bonus, one might also find a copy of Moby Dick and the poetry of Henry David Thoreau.

But you’d be hard-pressed to locate a DSM-IV, Nietzsche Anthology, or anything by Woody Allen, for obvious reasons.

I feel a little lost in their presence. Disconnected. Like I’m peering into another galaxy where the physics is different. Time seems like an endless flow of overlapping circles, rather than hard angles all pointing in different directions.

So I’m an outsider, a perceived threat; like a virus that’s looking for a way in. I’m dangerous because I mention the unmentionables. Think the unthinkable. Step outside the boundaries of what maintains this alliance.

Just imagine ragged concrete against the delicate surface of a water balloon, if that helps.

[unconscious dialog]

What exactly does he want here? I can’t predict his comments. He has to be contained because he hasn’t signed on to this world. He’s not one of us. And whatever loose pieces reside within us, he’ll exploit. Ours is a world of serenity, through which we see the rest of life; the one we want to see because we have to see if this is to continue.

I’ve always found it interesting how married people like this interact with me. I like to play, who’s the psychotic? Because they are so interconnected, so intertwined and so emotionally indistinguishable that I feel as though I’m embroiled in some weird, low level warfare with one – rather than two – creatures who carefully scrutinizes my behavior before deciding whether or not to change the locks.

23 Jul 2009, Posted by jay rusovich , 2 Comments

“I Won’t Settle!” and other Bullshit.

Won’t settle for what?

Something less than you deserve?

And what’s that?

How do you quantify your value?

The statement, “I won’t settle,” is either a scapegoat for some handicap, or just another way to get people to change the subject.

Handicaps usually boil down to some form of delusion, usually involving self-assessment.

This is where a woman imagines she’s more physically attractive than she actually is because of all the attention she receives from men trawling dating websites from a computer in the family den.

It’s called a family den because families spend a lot of time in them, including theirs, which you either don’t know about or don’t want to hear about.

So we have delusion fueled by lies foisted upon women by men who know women crave the fantasy as much as they do the affirmation they didn’t need 15 years ago because it was literally knocking the doors off the hinges.

So yes, the internet is a prime suspect in all of this.

But it doesn’t change the fact that attractive women are single because they want to be. And to keep it that way, they set up this perfect Prince fantasy to ensure it never happens and then blame God or something while they’re down in Jamaica at a “lifestyle” convention.

Is it not more desirable to fantasize about the Prince thing, knowing that you can still go home without being expected to sleep with someone who can’t hold a candle to your Jackrabbit – and still expects you to cook?

Is it not better to run profiles on 16 different websites pretending to be a hopeless romantic when all you really want is a little affirmation and an occasional lover no one has to know about?

In short, is it not better to play the same game and then bitch about the lack of quality out there?

21 Jul 2009, Posted by jay rusovich , 0 Comments

Dr. Anton Zegoyavich Accused of Injecting Human Female with Stem Cells from a Burmese Python.

Zegoyavich at 63.

Zegoyavich: [speaking to me]

“Fools!”

“I have explained myself clearly enough. I am not interested in suspending my pursuits over some inconsequential legal or moral construct. Humanity rests in the balance of my work. Why everyone isn’t on their knees shocks me.”

Jay:

“Anton, from what I understand…”

Zegoyavich:

[cutting me off]

“You understand nothing, I can assure you! What they say is preposterous in its ignorance!”

Jay:

They claim you stole someone’s snake and then used its stem cells in a live human being against her will.”

Zegoyavich:

Be careful! I am not myself these days! My work is of a colossal nature, and completely alien to most. They are invisible to me! They attached metal devices to my wrists, kidnapped me, and then took me away to some horrific dwelling filled with animals!”

Jay:

“You mean they handcuffed you, placed you in the back of a police car, and then took you to jail?”

Zegoyavich:

“Even as they stand on the very edge of apocalypse I was chained like some base thing. I could spit! And your casual assessment of my misfortune is not lost on me, I assure you!”

Jay:

“Anton, you stole someone’s pet Python, killed and dissected it, extracted its stem cells, and then injected them into a woman you kidnapped from a nightclub in Las Vegas. That would constitute several felonies in a row…”

Zegoyavich:

“Stop that! I am becoming wild! I have no interest in trivialities! You and I speak from time to time because I perceive you to be somehow enlightened, perhaps a messenger from myself to the world. But today you sound foolish. They are affecting you. Beware!”

Jay:

“I am simply stating the facts…and bailing you out of jail for the 7th time, by the way.”

Zegoyavich:

“That tone doesn’t strike me correctly. Please identify your intensions!”

Jay:

“Anton…

Zegoyavich: [cutting me off, again]

“Stop with that ‘Anton!’ It is to be henceforth, Dr. Zegoyavich. I am not at all pleased at the moment!”

Jay:

“Dr. Zegoyavich, I have been your friend for a long time and have always believed in your work. I’m not here to judge or criticize you. I simply want to hear your version of what happened so that I can explain it to the authorities. They say you’re a deranged psychopath, and therefore, whatever you say is at best, unreliable.”

Zegoyavich:

“Who are these authorities in their amusing uniforms with metal trinkets in the shapes of make-believe stars? They are nothing but errant spores on an evolutionary thoroughfare. And not well adapted ones, I might add.”

Jay:

“Thank God the woman survived or you wouldn’t be leaving this place at all…probably never.”

Zegoyavich:

“Listen carefully to me. The woman was a necessary step in my process. She had no idea what a tremendous contribution she has made. I made her as comfortable as possible.”

Jay:

“You drugged her! And if given the choice, she would have had you arrested on the spot! She’s still in ICU on a morphine drip…not to mention the hallucinations.”

[as he continues to stare into space, apparently ignoring me, I persist…]

“Dr. Zegoyavich, the authorities don’t see things the way you do. And your work isn’t sanctioned by any medical body on the planet.”

Zegoyavich:

“Curious, this term, ‘authorities.’ What makes these people have such titles? Authorities over what? They are nothing to me. I laugh at these titles.”

Jay:

“You may laugh, but they’re deadly serious. Did you at least learn something from the experiment?”

Zegoyavich:

“In my travels and observations, I have noted certain similarities between human females and snakes of the constrictor family. There is a certain resonant psychology on a primal level that is easy to miss by the untrained eye…”

Jay:

“So I’m guessing you injected the python cells into the woman to see if her body would recognize the cells?”

Zegoyavich:

“Naturally. Have you seen the American movie, Frankenstein? The scientist in charge experienced a similar fate at the hands of people not unlike the authorities of today. They descended upon him with flames and knives and destroyed his home.”

Jay:

“Frankenstein is a work of fiction.”

Zegoyavich:

“I have seen it with my own eyes. How dare you tell me the beast didn’t exist!!!”

[end]

Note: People believe what they want to believe, even in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, like alcoholics and narcissists. Having said this, the attending physicians at the hospital report that the woman is coiled up in a corner of the ICU with her eyes wide open, while Anton Zegoyavich is, once again, on the lamb; presumably in route to his laboratory somewhere in the New Mexico desert.

[to be continued…]

16 Jul 2009, Posted by jay rusovich , 2 Comments

Yoga versus Therapy

In therapy you pay a trained Psychologist or M.D. to help alleviate psychological problems.

In yoga, you side-step the human condition altogether by tapping into the energy of the universe.

I dunno. It kind of sells itself…

Yoga is feminism’s answer to patriarchy.

If you disagree with me on this, you’re wrong. Not wrong because you have an opposing view, but wrong because your position on the issue is wrong. There’s a difference.

This is one reason so many drop-dead gorgeous women are packing yoga classes from coast to coast…and why certain male yoga instructors, including the revered yogi master – often from places like Cleveland – have improbable liaisons with women half their age and twice their I.Q.

There’s an angle for everything.

These guys offer an “enlightened” alternative to the baboons most women encounter in bars and nightclubs.

The popularity of yoga is really just a reaction to a food chain that appraises women at 35 the same way it did when they were 17.

Of course, at 17 they didn’t have a problem with it because there wasn’t much to criticize.

So it’s a kind of sanctuary for the disaffected.

In therapy you pay a trained Psychologist or M.D. to help alleviate psychological problems.

In yoga, you side-step the human condition altogether by joining forces with the universe; something that isn’t taught in medical school for some reason.

Yoga culture empowers women to express their sexuality under the pretext of spiritual awakening. They use the term, “awakening,” a lot because it sounds better than “fucking” in the context of higher human consciousness.

It’s also a way to buffer oneself from what is perceived to be constant, low-level patriarchal abuse.

Think packs of enlightened, confident, tuned in, empowered, intelligent and aware women with attitude and you get the sense that you’re in the middle of a war zone.

Yoga studios are places where women can express resentment without actually articulating it. These studios are often like psychological boot camps not unlike what one sees in groups like al-Qaida.

When a woman tells a man that she’s involved in “yoga,” the following message is conveyed:

“I’m enlightened, so don’t even think about fucking with me. I’m sexually open because that’s my right, but I only sleep with men who are on board with my message. I am smart, evolved, alert. I know all about shit you can’t even imagine. Fuck off if you dare walk in this class and stare at my ass just because I happen to be wearing paper-thin Lycra from Lululemon. I’m here to escape men like you. I’m here to escape judgment, superficiality, patriarchy. Of course, I do appreciate the attention, which I’ll deny under oath.”

The men who do join these classes accept the fact that they are perceived as emasculated members of an otherwise primitive gender afforded a second chance because of their efforts at maintaining cognition in the midst of what appears to be an all-out orgy.

With this in mind, I’m not sure which gender is the best adapted.