10 Mar 2010, Posted by jay rusovich , 4 Comments

Smitten. Smote. by Y.B.

I’m “in love.”

Which would be great, but I can’t be with him.

So, I have all these lovely feelings and nowhere to put them. I know I’m not thinking straight. I know I’m susceptible to making emotional decisions. I’m somewhat amused by my clumsy emotional state, but at the same time, I’m irritated because I know better.

And…

I don’t have time to indulge in these unreasonable feelings.

Reflecting on this loss is like being in a quiet, vast emptiness, and it is awful.  I can sit alone and listen to my heartbeat and hate it.

I know part of my suffering comes from being in a situation that’s gone on for years. It’s difficult to let someone go who’s been around for a long time.  And, he was my friend. We could talk about anything. And I mean – anything.  And we did.

Ah well…

I wouldn’t give up the history to spare myself this heartache. It was wonderful no matter how misguided.

Bumblebees fly regardless of the incalculable math.

Feelings. Feelings. Feelings. <Splat>

Now, my logical side (it’s not really a logical side, it’s more like a cold, calculating, emotionless side that couches everything I want in a favorable way – I highly recommend picking one up) is telling me a few things:

You like to enjoy yourself and you won’t deny yourself anything if you really want it.

True.

You knew it wouldn’t work, but you did the best you could to sustain it in an environment that was openly hostile to its existence.

Yep.

You loved him so much you protected him – even from yourself – when necessary.

I did try.

You took time for yourself, which made it possible to do everything you’re doing now.

I did and I love my life.

He may come back. This has been going on for so long that there’s a good chance he’ll sort it out one day. No pressure. We’re certainly not going to force it. Men always love you more when you’re heartbroken.

I know. Why is that?

I don’t know, but it’s useful. Well, I do know, but we’ll talk about it later…

08 Aug 2009, Posted by jay rusovich , 2 Comments

What I’ve Learned from Jay Regarding Relationships and Love

1] Love is a transaction at best, if it exists at all in the sense most of us think of it. And it probably doesn’t [exist], but might, depending on how one defines it, which is always kind of obtuse.

Put it this way: It’s along the lines of, either lust, a close friendship…or a full-bore pathology.

2] Love is a tool used to negotiate relationships; and its effectiveness hinges on one’s inability to understand it because it doesn’t really exist in the first place…at least, not the way its billed.

3] Everything boils down to a transaction. You have to negotiate for the best deal possible.

4] A lot of women short change themselves by not understanding negotiations.

5] The most effective way to emasculate a man is to force him to refer to his feelings in first person.

6] If you emasculate a man, he will find someone who makes him feel good about himself and dump you.

7] You better like a man for what he gives you because you aren’t going to get anything more without a supoena.

8] It’s a man’s job to make money…and preferably, lots of it.

9] It’s a woman’s job to be beautiful…and somehow keep it that way.

10] Women have a limited amount of time in which to find a man to subsidize her existence. The more time that passes, the less she gets.

11] As a woman, if you’re over 35 you should forget about having children…unless you have connections at a sperm bank and cash under a mattress.

12] Attractive young men (under 30) are only interested in sex, because, like, when you’re a shark in a school of mullet, you can feed at will.

13] Men in their 30’s will only get seriously involved with women in their 20’s because they know that in 10 years they will still be in their 30’s…and not 40’s, for example.

14] All men will go for the hottest girl they can find.  Period. The rest they’ll sort out later.

15] Men are simple creatures that exist in a constant state of arrested development.

16] Woman are complex creatures who mitigate the conundrum that is their lives with sex, drugs, clothing and chocolate.

17] What a man does for a woman determines her actual worth to him at that given moment in time.

18] A woman with her own career, money etc. does not need -and probably doesn’t want – a man.

19] Men don’t have to be in good shape to have a beautiful woman by their side. They have to be in good shape, financially, to have a beautiful woman at their side.

20] Men should date women half their age plus seven years, until they reach the age of 60, in which case the 7-year thing starts going backwards.

21] Whenever Jay says, “It’s not my role” it means that it’s a woman’s role.

22] Feminism is to blame for the all the confusion and ultimate demise of the heterosexual relationship.

Stopjayrusovich.com is my next venture…xo, YB