Posts Tagged ‘age-differences’
In more affluent demographics, female trainers are the most sought after commodities in the human food chain, particularly for middle-aged men.
Why wouldn’t they be?
A prerequisite for employment at most upscale health-clubs is a college degree in something like Kinesiology.
So they’re educated, which is more than you can say for most strippers.
Second, they’re super ridiculously fit, unlike most wives.
And third, they have healthy lifestyle habits, so [in your mind, anyway] you won’t have to chase them down at nightclubs and pool parties at 3 in the morning.
The fantasy is a supercharged version of the woman you met at Dartmouth 25 years ago. An upgrade from the standard 6-speed to PDK with more horsepower and better suspension.
All female trainers in these environments are keenly aware of this fantasy and leverage it like a hammer of the gods.
This is why the lion’s share of clients for these women are men over 40 — and sometimes women who want to save their marriages.
Postscript: The types of men and women trainers attract has everything to do with presentation.
Trainer Stereotytpes and the Clients They Attract
1] Super hot 25 – 32 year-old female.
Clients: Men over 40
2] Chiseled man of color with attitude.
Clients: Attractive young females who know he knows how to get them in the kind of shape they want to in in to attract men like him…or him as the case may be.
3] Male or female bodybuilder.
Clients: Men and women interested in sculpting and putting on some mass.
3] Older male or female trainers without no other agenda than keeping their clients out of emergency rooms.
Clients: Normal, well-adjusted men and women over 40 who see the big picture rather than a subplot.
When a “normal, well-adjusted” young woman sees an older man dating someone her age [or is hit on by an older man], she often dismisses the move as “creepy.”
But none of this has anything whatsoever to do with the man. It’s the woman’s frustration with her own personal life.
She’s either single and frustrated, or unhappy with someone in her life, and hopes this kind of thing doesn’t become a routine.
She’s trying to protect her space in time from outside interference.
If I told you I didn’t understand this reaction I’d be lying. I did the same thing as a young man when trying to defend my world from older affluent men who seemed to come and go at will with women my age.
I wasn’t there yet, and there was nothing I could do about it.
It was what it was, and I couldn’t afford to compete.
As for the women who refuse to consider it as a viable alternative to younger men, the following applications of “creepy” are as follows:
1] Young women use it against their fathers for dating women their age — and against their fathers’ friends who hit on them.
2] Older women use it against older men who won’t date them because they’re no longer young.
3] Feminist yoga Nazis use it against men because any weapon against men is a good thing.
This is the backlash all older men face when bucking the system.
It’s also blatant discrimination, sanctioned by all women for the reasons enumerated.
All men are fair game. Not that we haven’t always been the scapegoat for all of the world’s nightmares. Thank God we don’t have menstrual cycles or the shit would really hit the fan.
You definitely do not want to fuck with testosterone.
Just let us buy into our own delusions for a solid week every month and there would be nothing left to talk about.
So back to the “creep” thing, if dating women half our age is “creepy” then tell younger women to stop dating us.
There are many reasons they do it, including the ones you imagine, so stop wasting your breath.
Do women actually think age-appropriate relationships come with money back guarantees?
Check out the latest divorce statistics — or how about the number of single women running around with kids they can’t afford because their age-appropriate husbands got sick of their emasculating bullshit and moved to another state under an assumed name.
Cry all you want. Men will take what’s available because it’s in our nature. It’s what we do and who we are, and just because women resent it doesn’t mean it’s going anywhere.
When women hand their bodies to us in the name of feminist egalitarianism, we take the bodies and forget about what the hell it’s called. All we see is availability…and now we’re opportunists; soulless scumbags with no moral compass bordering on the sociopathic.
Hey, it’s not our fault that Oxytocin doesn’t run rampant in our bloodstreams.
The regret drug. Oops. Didn’t think feelings would play a role in rough play, did you?
Frankly, it’s time all women took a long, hard look at what they’ve created.
Yes, this is their world, the one they carved out in the name of equality and then hammered over our heads for 5 decades.
So this is what hammering us over the head for 5 decades looks like…
Adam Bernaert – “Vanitas” Still Life
In its modern sense, vanity is considered a form of self-idolatry, in which one rejects a higher power for the sake of one’s own image.
Is this a slam dunk in this world or what?
Let’s look at the situation for what it is:
Baby Boomers have taken control of America.
Older affluent men now own 2 or 3 women, while older affluent women own a pool boy, a college kid, and somebody “between 22 and 25″ they met on match.com.
Single young men and women with abnormal and maladjusted future prospects.
Money in the hands of a generation that literally redefined “self” is now at the helm of a ship that won’t survive another 50 years.
Vanity is at the heart of it when you feel empowered to buy and sell people like junk bonds.
Status obsession, materialism, ego and consumerism stand as substitutes for humanity.
Our lives become defined not by our productive thoughts, social contributions and good will, but by “a superficial, delusional set of associations with the very fabric of our society that now radiates cheap romanticism, connected to vain competition, conspicuous consumption and neurotic addictions often related to physical beauty, status and superficial wealth,” observed Peter Joseph in Culture in Decline: Culture-Vanity Disorder.
Everyone is bought and sold and sold again to the next bidder in line. And for a millennial generation without jobs, you can see where opportunism and vanity spawn a New World Order of irreconcilable decline where the here and now is all there is…or will ever be.
Now I’ll shut up.
George Gilder observed in 1974 that the chief beneficiaries of the 1960s sexual revolution would be “older men with exceptional wealth, fame and power like Hugh Hefner.”
These men can leave their older wives for younger trophy wives as in the movie “First Wives Club” and keep younger mistresses (as Hugh Hefner did for years), thus dominating at least two or more younger women.
Gilder noted that the “hoarding of women was denounced long ago by Marxists countries from China to Cuba have been puritanical about sex because they see the inequality of the sexual revolution, where the rich, powerful and charismatic bourgeois hoard the younger women to the detriment of the proletariat.”
Even the communists knew that young fatherhood should be strengthened and protected. Instead of envying Hugh Hefner or Larry King, capitalist America should be warning against such behavior, he argued.
He observed that when you have older men (median age 40) abandoning their older wives once they are past their peak child-bearing years and remarrying younger second wives (median age 30), there is a major rupture of the social system, as older women and younger men end up single.
Brad Wilcox of the National Marriage Project added that many younger women are also unwilling to marry less successful men their age.
With both of these trends, younger men (who should be marrying and having children who will one day support the social welfare net with their paychecks) are on the losing end.
Women begin to see the dark side of 60′s feminism, which reminds me of a recent video of a Great White Shark sticking its head into a submerged cage filled with paying spectators.
When women begin to mirror male behavior they trigger things in men that are better left to the deep seas. Needless to point out, one of the manifestations is sexual gluttony, which is then followed closely by irresponsibility tied to fatherless homes.
So women marry up, while young men get laid and live under bridges.
I can’t count the number of guys my age [middle-age] who have young women on cash-only retainers — And don’t think the supply lines aren’t endless.
Since wealth among a certain demographic of Americans is through the roof, it stands to reason that their behavior would reflect this economic reality.
Just ask Madonna
As open-minded as our culture likes to imagine itself, ageism is still not on the menu.
If I close my eyes I can grab more examples out of thin air than I know what to do with.
Men beat the shit out of Demi Moore for her “delusion” that much younger men actually value her beauty over her ability to facilitate notoriety.
Just as predictably, women beat up on Hef for his “delusion” that a 22-year-old woman has any interest in him beyond a few bucks down a short road.
I get it.
And maybe both are accurate. But so what?
We all leverage what we have.
The crux of this is the fact that no one wants to see the future, so they get their licks in before it’s their time to take the beating.
When I ask people what chronological disparity is acceptable in the context of true love [rather than a cold-blooded exchange of assets], they babble.
Is it 5 years? 10 years? 20 year? 30 years? Where’s the cutoff?
Most people say 15 years, that is until they find someone that stretches the numbers and all of a sudden it’s now 20 or 30 years or more.
This is all projection; haunting images of ourselves as older, less attractive – and perhaps – lonely people in similar positions.
Demi Moore looks old and wasted. Hefner looks worse. But we’re all headed in the same direction and screw that! Hell no! Not Me!
And this is the exactly my point.
I think the subconscious notion is that if we demonize May-December relationships enough, all objectivity in the context of things human cease to exist.
Yea, good luck with that.
Disclaimer: I’m no longer in this war.
Now I’m now an observer who once fought it for more years than I can count.
I also received more purple hearts than I care to remember.
A few bullet points to consider:
1] Young women resent being hit on by men their father’s age, even in a world where said men are dating women their age, including their own fathers.
2] Middle-aged women resent being ignored by age-relevant men who look like Pierce Brosnan — and with similar levels of wealth.
3] Young men resent having to compete with men twice their age and 200 times their net worth in dollar bills.
Everyone’s pissed and confused because everything that was supposed to happen a certain way is not happening at all.
Normal, well adjusted college women will never see any of this unless their dads bring home one of their classmates — to live at the same house.
As for middle aged women, they’ll harvest from the readily available pool of college guys that want great sex without having to act on their Internet perversions with women they want to marry.
And young men no longer have unfettered access to sex on demand because now they have to do battle with older men who can outspend them in a world that values materialism over everything else.
There’s good and bad, but somebody’s gotta recalibrate the numbers.
You reap what you sow. Knock off the bitching.
Feminism was a beautiful disaster: Inevitable and utterly demoralizing to gender relations.
Blame my generation if it makes you feel better — the Boomers, the dickheads who set everything ablaze with angst and fury and righteous prose.
And after the angel dust settled we turned our backs on everything we stood for because, as it turned out, we liked money and fame and celebrity and materialism after all.
So now the kids today are living with the scars; the entitlement, narcissism, and ever-elusive fantasies.
This was particularly bad for men, because today masculinity is a plague with anti-virals in every media domain.
Young men are left to feed when they’re hungry, and then go back to the web when it subsides because there isn’t anywhere else to go.
Okay, I’ll shut up.
Does it really matter whether or not I date, marry or live with someone less than half my age?
I guess it does if I’m 20, but what about 55?
Now she’s in her 20′s.
Are you still on board?
I’m not addressing you men because I know you couldn’t care less.
As for the rest of the population, it’s like the End of Days.
My live-in girlfriend is a millennial. I am a Baby-Boomer. Together we look like the typical urban father and daughter.
Does this make you kinda’ sick?
If it does, you’re not alone.
We feel the heat everywhere we go. Not within more enlightened urban circles, but everywhere else which is a lot of real estate.
Nonetheless, I think you take love where you can find it, and if age is the only thing separating two people, it’s not enough to stop it.
I live in the moment. We both do. What happens ten years from now will happen then, not now.
If we were born at exactly the same moment in time, it could all end tomorrow for reasons having nothing whatsoever to do with age-relevance. Divorce doesn’t show favoritism.
With these thoughts in mind, I’m sure you’d like to know how this thing of ours happened in the first place?
More specifically, how did a 55-year-old man attract the romantic attention of a 25-year-old without a blatant financial proposition?
This is what most people think when they see relationships like ours, which are exploding like a pandemic, by the way.
They never imagine that through something like prolonged exposure, two people might eventually stumble upon a connection they would never otherwise consider possible.
And I’m not talking about sex, because the older man/younger woman crush is as old as the hills, and usually, just as predictable in outcome.
The fantasy. The one off with professor X. The race back to “reality.”
But in some cases “reality” is more fluid.
Sometimes love blindsides us for reasons we could debate for the next thousand years, but suffice to say, a lot of it [in the case of generational divides] is about healing one another’s emotional wounds.
When the chasm is wide, you need a lot of glue.
People in these kinds of relationships tend not to fit the normal, well-adjusted profile.
But neither are we co-dependent, or insane, or “business partners.”
Everyone has a trigger, and most of it involves family-of-origin issues. So when those issues are strong enough, unusual things tend to show up; particularly in one’s love life.
But at this writing, neither of us are in mental institutions thank you very much.
We’re both degreed. She is an artist and freelance graphic designer, and I am a semi-retired photographer and writer.
I say “semi-retired” because I will never retire no matter how much I have in the bank. And she is driven to the point of obsession, so it’s a wash.
OOOOh, so it’s about MONEY! I KNEW THERE WAS A CATCH! NO WONDER SHE “LOVES” HIM.
NEWSFLASH: If I were 35 and broke, the odds of my finding an attractive, age-relevant girlfriend would be nil. My only shot would be to find an older woman of means who didn’t mind having a handsome houseboy around while she was out taking over the world.
My point here is that we all have standards and we’re all objectively appraised on some level. So while my young girlfriend may find safe haven in me from whatever hell descended before we met, we all find something that matters more than everything else combined.
“C” worked for me as an artist’s assistant, and over time, we grew close. Aside from the fact that many people [primarily older women] find this situation as questionable as they do distasteful, it is really a statement about their own flagging sense of self.
The fact of the matter is I would have been happy to date a 40-something woman, but I never found a connection.
It had nothing whatsoever to do with holding out for someone in their 20’s to validate me.
It was not about age at all, but rather about how difficult it was finding love in the first place.
This is why it is so important to hold on to it when it does materialize no matter what the hell it looks like from the outside.
[Frankly, I can't tell which one is older...not that I give a crap]
Update: This link no longer leads to the article, but rather to the Jezebel site. You source the article from there. Thanks, J
Hugo Schwyzer is someone you probably don’t know, which is a good thing if you happen to be a man.
He’s what you might call an apologist of the lowest order, and even tagging his name pisses me off.
So why would I spend any time on this guy, whoever the hell he is?
Because he’s managed to carve a small niche for his sorry ass in the “older men and younger women” narrative, which he either knows nothing about — or pretends to know nothing about, while pushing an agenda — that’s why.
But don’t worry. He isn’t the subject of this narrative. Mangina-itis is, which is needs to be on everyone’s radar as it spreads like a fucking pandemic.
I’ve condensed this 2011 article down to its one flimsy thesis statement, that reformed chauvinist and shameless self-promoter of male feminism, Hugo Schwyzer, found validation for in a 2010 OK Cupid survey.
Here it is:
The fear of visibly aging is no longer limited to women, and the sexual invisibility felt by older men is really about becoming less attractive to young women, which is more about validation that they still have it than sex, while older women simply want a functional relationship with men their own age.
The underlying premise here is that it is somehow “inappropriate” for men to pursue much younger women, which is complete and utter bullshit.
Here is some of the Ok Cupid survey results:
OkCupid discovered that men regularly devoted most of their attention to women at the very youngest end of their stated range — and frequently messaged female members who were well beneath that.
When I sent out a request for stories about this phenomenon, I heard many like this, from Veronica, age 37: “When I was first dating online in my late 20s, I got hundreds of emails a week. Eight years later, even though my pictures are better and my accomplishments more substantial, I get only a quarter as many. Most of the guys I hear from are over 50.”
Women in their 20s, including those who set firm upper-age limits, report being inundated by messages from men who are far older than that stated preference. Sarah, 25, noted that these guys invariably claimed to be atypical 35 (or 45) year-olds: “They ask me to disregard my upper age limit, just for them – make an exception, they’re different, really. They offer me their security and stability (financial and otherwise) in exchange for sharing my own passion and energy. Like they’ve ‘checked-out’ and want me to bring them back in.”
Amelia, 28, wrote: “I see lots of men online over 35 who are looking for women 18-30. I wish they knew how big a turn-off that is. If you can’t handle your peers, then you can’t handle me.” But she also pointed out that the transparency of older men’s insecurity has a side benefit: “Maybe it’s a public service (that these men so obviously pursue inappropriately younger women). If they lied and said they were interested in women their own age too, I might actually respond.”
I’m a 50-something man who lives with a woman less than half my age.
I didn’t “pick” her.
In fact, it was the other way around, which is how things work after a certain point, unless of course, you’re in the market for a hooker, in which case she’ll allow you to think you “picked” her in exchange for a monthly allowance.
However, if you want an actual relationship, then showcasing your new trophy girlfriend like canary yellow Ferrari is the last thing on your mind.
It doesn’t make you feel young again, though it does keep you relevant in the context of popular culture, if that matters.
If anything, it makes life a lot tougher, particularly when you’re now a target of discrimination.
When my girlfriend feels the pressure of scrutiny, I feel it along with her. And while all relationships have their ups and downs, this is an added burden – not a bonus. The unique pitfalls do nothing whatsoever for my self-esteem.
“Would you and your daughter like double beds?”
“Your daughter looks just like you!”
“May I see an ID?”
It goes on and on…
I am no longer as physically perfect as I used to be, though I do stay fit.
But I am more evolved emotionally, intellectually and financially, which balanced the scales in the mind of a much younger woman in a world of sharks in a feeding frenzy.
For years I tried dating women in their 40’s, and found them to be so narcissistic and entitled that it made my skin crawl.
Maybe I didn’t balance the scales for them.
Maybe I was too old or too unconventional or too weird. I guess I’ll never know. But I tried and failed to find the “love of my life.”
As a 50-year-old man I was looking for a 38-42-year-old woman who was fit, pretty and interesting – without Borderline Personality Disorder and/or Narcissistic Personality Disorder having anything to do with it.
But they generally had everything to do with it, which is why they were so damn fit and hot and single in the first place.
With this in mind, that diamond-in-the-rough 40-year-old Goddess was “seeking a reflection,” and I wasn’t it.
But there are always a few men who do fit the bill, and when those men see the same reflections in someone else, they merge into one narcissistic and emotionally disconnected entity that passes on the crap to their kids.
So I guess perfect love exists after all.
Back to the survey, I’m sure older men surf sites like OK Cupid and Match dot com in an effort to hook much younger women who are obviously out of their league.
But I could also tell you that young men surf the same sites for a last minute piece of ass they know they can nail.
It cuts both ways.
The point of all of this is that no one gets everything they want out of life, but when they do find a deeper connection with another human being, it doesn’t matter what the hell it looks like.
A vast [and I use this term with great affection] difference in age always denotes a vast difference in assets.
I didn’t say, “imbalance.” I said “difference.”
A woman in her 20′s is, generally speaking, better looking than a woman twice her age…like her mother, for example. And while this is not always the case – particularly for affluent older women who can afford the surgery and related maintenance – such situations are far more exception than rule. And I haven’t mentioned the emotional cargo.
This makes her daughter more valuable to men who appreciate beauty, including the ones dating her mother.
And while older men also suffer the ravages of time, their experience, maturity and financial success often balance the scales for women who place more emphasis on such assets.
So what we end up with is a young woman starting out in life with someone who’s already been through it, while still balancing the scales.
Relationships are all a slippery slope; May-December relationships just a different set of variables.
Suffice to say, a lot hinges on adherence to the following contract, which could just as well apply to normal, well-adjusted people.
CONTRACT: [Non-verbal, unsigned, and expected, notwithstanding]
In exchange for a lifestyle that said woman could not otherwise afford [without working 12-hour days - including weekends - for the next 25 years in a field with enormous income earning potential], she shall agree to the following:
1] … maintain an exemplary physique. She already knows this. They all do, particularly those who are married to men of means.
2] … maintain her nails, skin, hair and teeth, as well as her wardrobe, which the man will provide.
3] … maintain order in the household, and create a serene and supportive atmosphere for the man. This includes interacting with service personnel, handling Internet and cable issues, and bringing mail to the accountant.
4] … provide sexual services whenever and wherever the man requires. Such services shall be provided with skill and enthusiasm, which she will relish because she is already slightly off, and therefore, ravenously attracted to someone 30 years her senior.
5] … be paid a mutually agreed upon stipend every two weeks for discretionary expenses, and for her dual role as professional assistant to the man.
6] She will have full access to everything on the property, including the pool, gym and all other amenities, including a private office/work area.
7] Psychiatric services are also provided when necessary, which are often necessary in such situations.
GROUNDS FOR CANCELLATION OF AFOREMENTIONED CONTRACT
1] Lying, cheating, stealing, eavesdropping on his phone calls, reading his email and text messages, listening to his voice mails, reading his call logs, following him in his car, refusal to allow him time to spend time with his friends, or to pursue personal and professional interests — as long as they don’t involve other lovers, including prostitutes, which fall under “professional interests.”
As you can see, May-December relationships are no different than the typical normal, well-adjusted couple that gets married in their 20′s because they’re both young and attractive, but more importantly, because he thinks she’ll be a responsible and loving mother, while she thinks he’ll make sure she lives at the right address.
The point in romanticizing relationships is to make them feel authentic, real. But it’s really just a set of conscious and unconscious cues that tell us whether or not the gamble is worth the fight.
Personally, I’ve never seen a relationship in balance where the partners cheated or walked away.
In May-December relationships, balance is often more challenging because of the chronological, and thus, developmental disparities of the people involved. But like I said, you’re never off the hook in any relationship where tacit expectations are concerned.