On Dating Narcissistic Women

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Narcissistic women need men in their lives to protect them, which fuels their behavior. I suggest you tape this to your refrigerator.

Diagnostic criteria for 301.50 Histrionic [Narcissistic] Personality Disorder [with some flourish from me]

Women with narcissistic personality disorder exhibit pervasive patterns of excessive emotionality and attention seeking, beginning by early childhood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five [or more] of the following:

1] She is uncomfortable in situations in which she is not the center of attention.

2] Her interactions with others are often characterized by inappropriate sexually seductive or provocative behavior.

Jay: I notice this with alcoholics and women who can’t get their meds straight.

3] She displays rapidly shifting and shallow expression of emotions.

4] She consistently uses physical appearance to draw attention to self.

Jay: Why they included this one is beyond me, since every hot woman on the earth would be forced to check it.

5] She has a style of speech that is excessively impressionistic and lacking in detail.

6] She shows-self-dramatization, theatricality and exaggerated expression of emotion.

7] She considers relationships to be more intimate than they actually are.

Jay: Narcissistic women gravitate to enablers who fuel their grandiosity. This keeps them in denial about things that aren’t as grand.

There is, in fact, life outside of their own. Of course, you’d be hard pressed to make that point without an abrupt turn in the conversation and subsequent dismissal for failure to fan their delusions.

Okay, let’s get down to business.

Note: We children of narcissistic parents carry a heavy cross. We have to fill in all the blanks our parents left in a state of impressionism. So we’re particularly sensitive to narcissistic behavior. It’s in our blood and we are forever recovering.

With this in mind, both genders are hostile to beauty.

It’s the way of things. Competition is at the root of survival. Where there’s life, there’s a reason it exists, and it’s always the same reason. Asteroids and black holes are exceptions to this rule if only because their grandiosity is exceeds out ability to medicate it.

Anyway, men who perceive a woman to be out of their leagues will often harass them, and/or reduce them to stereotypes in an effort to salvage their porous egos.

Another ploy to level the playing field is to offer all-expense-paid trips to Spain in private jets, which brings us back to stereotyping and harassment, so it’s a wash.

The ploys are endless, but a necessary part of the process of competition, and ultimately, survival.

Beauty is a drug we can’t live without if survival is our objective.

Frankly, this is one irony I can’t live without.

Women envy the beauty of other women, so they resort to cattiness and other strategery designed to destabilize or weaken their position in the food chain. Their best option is to befriend them and then exploit them from within once they feel secure. No matter how you look at it, the whole damn thing is like chipping away at the Berlin wall.

So at the end of the day, beauty is a mixed blessing.

What this means is that in order for a beautiful woman to be freely beautiful, she must feel protected. This usually comes in the form of a handsome and/or powerful man everyone admires; someone who dotes on her as though his life depended on it.

This is the Holy Grail to the female narcissist.  He is her stage, her lighting, her audience…and her fuel.

We love each other so much. [see #7]

We’re inextricable. [see #7]

Fused. [see #7]

One. [see #7]

I have my blessed man so fucking nailed down to me that he wouldn’t leave if his life depended on it, not that he has one without me, but he doesn’t need to know that. I don’t even know that. But as long as this union exists I don’t have think about it and that’s all that matters to us, and to everyone who aspires to be us.

[see #1, #3, #5, #6]

He loves me more than his own life. It’s a kind of perverse idolatry, which I encourage and exploit.

[see #7, again]

Everything about him is perfect, so much so that I document our union on Twitter, Facebook, Myspace, LinkedIn, Flickr, local gossip magazines and social gatherings which afford me the opportunity to fuel even greater speculation and fantasy.

[start with #1 and re-read the entire list]

In public, no one else exists. And he carries me through this fantasy like an indentured servant. I am so in love with myself, and the envy of everyone fuels my persona. My evasiveness alone charges the atmosphere like an atom bomb with fantasies and speculation about me a union they will never know. With my man fused to my side like a heroin addict in a poppy field, I am free to wander the earth like a God.

[at this point, feel free to move on to the chapters covering psychosis and hallucinations]

I post photos of him in his most glorious moments to fan the flames of my own narcissism. See it’s not about him as much as it’s about how much a man of his stature loves me, which turns the focus back on me.

In short, he is my God and I am his Princess. He worships me and I worship him. So I guess we’re both fucked. No, I didn’t say that! It must have been those goddamned blogs of Jay Rusovich. I didn’t think or say that at all! We’re like a Hollywood movie. We’ve transcended the human condition. He makes love to me 10 times a day and never fails to rise to the occasion. We orgasm together – each and every time – as if our relationship were guided by celestial forces.

No! He is not sleeping with a transvestite!

Stopping Jay Rusovich is the new focus of my life. No, I don’t mean sole focus, just one focus, because the real focus is my wonderful boyfriend.

I cut a little piece of his skin off every morning and drop it in my coffee. He does the same thing so we never feel distant. I am a psychopath. No! I am not a goddamned psychopath! Go away, Jay Rusovich. Your venom is a nightmare … and contagious. You should be exterminated. My life is perfect. Are you listening? Perfect! Look at the picture. Observe his behavior towards me in public. You don’t even know his name because he doesn’t want to meet you or anyone else. He adores me. Holds covets me like oxygen. Everyone else is completely invisible to him. He takes care of his body and then comes home to take care of mine. His focus is narrow and I’m in its cross hairs. No I am not a pathological narcissist. No I don’t need anyone else’s affirmation. Shut the fuck up, Jay Rusovich. Shut up and go away! My life is perfect and you’re just jealous that some of us transcend the human condition.

Poppy farmers sometimes feel the same way. No, I did not just say that!

I find it fascinating that the very security and freedom these relationships provide narcissistic men and women are also the windows through which one can observe the unfettered behavior of the insane.

5 Responses to “On Dating Narcissistic Women”

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  • Johan:

    Bravo… So true. Been a victim of a full blown narcy. I fell in love with her possibly because she created a false self that was just what I needed and wanted. After about three months I realized that something is not right but it was very difficult to stop feeding her the drug you mention.

    Myself was hooked on the attention I got when I worshipped her. I realized that she is sick and crazy too late and I was in over my head.

    Today I am recovering. I did get some good things from it as she did change (or at least wake up some good things in me) and this I can use in my future. A life in which I will find someone who actually has a sense of empaty and will address my feelings as something important.

    I have learnt that I too exist. I have started a journey back to life and I have started to realized that this was all bad.

    Funny thing is that after all this time (two years have passed and I have just managed to break free) I have learnt a very big lesson. If you walk into a relationship and it feels too good to be true, that the woman you date seems to good to be true – she probably is. Especially if you can tic a few of the boxes on narcissitic behaviour.

    Reading up on the subject has been very important for me to get though this. But I will survive and get stronger every day :)

    Audioslave – What You Are

  • admin:

    Pathological Narcissism is a disease. It is not something anyone should take lightly. I encourage everyone to explore the disorder and then decide for themselves what the best course of action should be. I always suggest therapy, but many narcissists are deep in denial that its pointless. Thanks for sharing.

  • John:

    I met a women whom I consider a narcissist after the breakup we had about 3-1/2 weeks ago.

    We met through a friend and at the time we met she did not seem interested. The second night on Memorial Day weekend I showed up and she was intoxicated and all over me asking me to take her upstairs and have sex to which I declined. Our second date where I asked her about her marriage she told me that it was on the decline and she was in fact going forward in a divorce. We became intimate but i did not give her sex. I even told her at done point she was not the best I had been with, to which she became angry. We started seeing each other on a consistent basis and there were just times when things did not add up. She was very methodical in the sex, even to where it seemed as she might be a call girl which I will get back to in a minute.

    One weekend she went out with friends about a month in a half in the relationship and I was questioning whether another man was there to which she said infactically no! I showed up at a hotel where she was with a friend and she had the police keep me out. The followed ensued where I told her I was done with her. She called me Sunday then again Monday and told me she needed time away from me. I was 44 at the time considered very attractive and fit. I work in film and television and she was 51 and looks 7 years younger. I took her message to leave her alone. The same day she text me and asked me if I was ok, to which I ignored. By Wednesday she text text me essentially telling she was missing me. Well I began to investigate, and after running in the park and numerous weird phone calls that she was in fact dating her boss as well as me and being married. I put a mandate on her telling her “him or me” and you need to get a divorce to which she concocted a scenario with the other man that her husband had been questioning her. She said he was gone, and after time found pictures exhibitionist videos and other garbage of this guy realizing they he was still there. It was so strange, I thought she might be a call girl to which she agreed she was to cover up her relationship with the doctor.

    I told her I would take her to Puerto Rico for our birthdays, hers the 29th and mine the 30th of March. I told her I would not tolerate her talking to him on our trip which I found out later so I emailed him and showed him photos and her letter of love and thinking me, which was very much a typical letter with no emotion attached. She broke up with me and told me to never contact her again to which I told if that was the case I was going to her husband with everything. To which she talked to me. It’s apparent to me the other guy is more important or she would have been honest and tried to work things out and got a divorce. I spoiled her plan of deception to which I could have let slide, but I’m not second best. I like the girl but hate the person if that makes sense. I went down swinging but ended thing I thought with integrity on my part.

    My question is to you, is will this person try yo come back and get back with me sexually? I’m younger and very experienced and I know that she was fulfilled. I’m not saying I want that, but is this type of persons pattern to come back at a later date after things have calmed down, or gas she in fact moved on for another victim. I have seen her victims and they are all average men up to this point. Just for my own sanity. Does the old adage in this case where you go quiet does she come back to get more fuel to feed her appetite?

  • admin:

    The pattern fits the crime. Dump her ass and find someone you can actually believe in. These types of women are a dime a dozen in big cities, and particularly in your industry. It’s just not worth the aggravation unless you’re willing to pay for her therapy, which she won’t accept because she isn’t crazy, just manipulative.

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