Let’s face it.

Both genders want the human experience, with exceptions. What this generally means is that they want relationships without all the “DRAMA!”

And since personal happiness is our culture’s primary ethic, how can you blame them?

We refuse to waste our valuable time on anything that doesn’t please us, like vacillating moods, aging parents, children and other incidentals.

To remedy this, men opt for the “Girlfriend Experience,” which is a fantasy person that can be animated for a price. Women usually go with a dog and a vibrator, but I digress.

[Phone rings at AAAA-1 Celebrity Escorts]

Celebrity Escorts. This is Monica speaking.

Yes, I’m looking for your “weekender package,” and was wondering if you have anyone available the 25th thru the 27th of this month?

What are you looking for?

I like athletic types; preferably petite and brunette; someone who looks great in jeans and a bikini…and has a decent sense of humor.

Okay, I have Shawna available that weekend. But she’ll have to meet you for a drink, first.

Okay, I just don’t want any drama. I’m in town for a few days without the wife and kids and just want to unwind. No hassles. I’m willing to pay for that.

So you want the full “girlfriend experience?”

What’s that?

It’s where the woman pretends to be your actual girlfriend, but isn’t. She’ll ask about your family, how you’re feeling, rub your back, things that all fantasy girlfriends do and real ones don’t.

Wow. That sounds great!

We just started the program and it’s been enormously popular. Of course, if you want a prostitute to come to your room, have sex with you and leave, I can arrange that as well. Serial killers tend to choose the later, by the way.

No, no that’s okay. So how much extra for the “girlfriend” thing?

If you want the total experience ,add 2 grand for each 24-hour period. If you want to escape all the hassles of your marriage, you have to be willing to have them removed.

Too bad it’s not real life.

It is real life. Visa or Mastercard?

[end]