08 Jul 2009, Posted by jay rusovich , 9 Comments
As you may know, I write a blog about the admixture of feminism and testosterone. I’m kind of like a scientist with advanced degrees in 19th century literature, so I’m obviously a qualified source for such things.
Anyway, The Tower of Babel [a cosmopolitan city typified by a confusion of languages] has nothing on the chaos feminism and male hormones have generated.
Let’s take a look at how this plays out: :
Unless your man is working for the Taliban, the first thing on his mind is food. In the case of the Taliban, it could be something as simple as a dry cleaner.
Anyway, once he gets past that – which can take a while – he might get around to you, depending on how effective you are at pandering to his need to objectify you.
If you don’t capitulate, he’ll disassociate during intercourse, which is where you notice him babbling on in a strange tongue about sexual scenarios that don’t include you…or do include you, but in situations you didn’t – or wouldn’t – agree to participate.
He’s going to get there his way, believe me.
The psychopaths are even less obvious because of something homicide detectives refer to as “missing time,” where a suspect’s physical whereabouts [or activities] can’t be verified for 3 or 4 hours every other day. And neither can anybody else, because they’re buried somewhere.
Aside from these individuals, men seem difficult to understand because women project their emotional complexities on to a base creature whose sole interest is self-gratification in the context of a 12-year-old.
I don’t mean this in any negative way, of course, but children do need their space.
When men have kids, for example, the majority of the problems stem from their resentment that they can’t do the same things: like throw food around restaurants, or roll on the floor with a plastic snake, for example. This while everyone else is passing plates of mashed potatoes and Thanksgiving turkey.
Men would love to sneak out the back door and chuck Coke bottles at passing freight trains if they could do it without being arrested and then ordered to serve 30 days at a psychiatric facility.
Personally, I resent kids for the latitude they’re afforded.
And I hate Thanksgiving Dinner, by the way. Who the hell wants to sit still [literally] for two hours or more [think penance] discussing stuffing with a group of domesticated adults, when they could be stealing Suburbans with a group of juvenile delinquents?
It’s all basically an exercise in domesticating children, which one never fully accomplishes, so why not just allow men to act out without having to hide it?
Answer: Because women want you to hide it so they don’t have to see it. They spend their lives in search of a lap dog who will allow them to stand in the spotlight as they grovel on command. This does occur if the woman in question is perceived to be attractive enough. But she’ll have to perfect the art of freezing time, because when enough of it passes, the lapdog will find a younger master.
Most women tell me that, if given the chance, a “real” man won’t do anything a woman wants to do unless they’re bribed or blackmailed. Fair enough, but women shouldn’t fantasize about a world where men grow out of childhood at some point, because they don’t. And the ones who do are either struggling with some sort of psychological problem stemming from a dominant mother or have low libido.
Why women sit around and ramble on about this in the first place is amazing to me.
Why does adulthood hold so much appeal, anyway?
Why do women sit up when they could slouch?
Is it because men don’t like it when women slouch?
If this is true, and it is, then why do they do it? Why do they keep handing over everything to men and then expect them to change? Is it because they know that they won’t and that if they want to be with one, this is the price?
If I feed a Rottweiler a pound of free-range turkey every day, he wants the goddamned turkey, not the Purina. Don’t even think about giving him dog food because he won’t eat it.
Same with men.
The difference is that men can earn a living and then use the money to acquire a woman who will give up the turkey and shut up about the rest.
Not me, of course, but other men.
Women think men should think like them because they’re the same species. How ridiculous. Nothing could be farther from the truth no matter what the geneticists tell you.
No wonder women are so confused, frustrated, angry…and sometimes, homicidal.
Men want to keep things simple. If they go on a vacation with you, it isn’t about romance. It’s about how much fun they can have skiing or fishing or looking at other women in their underwear; which figures heavily in their choice of beach destinations. And sure, moon lit dinners at a beachside restaurant is great, but Mojitos sound even better, not to mention getting naked in public after three or four of them.
Still want to know what men want?
Do you still have to ask?
Okay, they want you to look and act like a streetwalker so they can play with you like a Tonka toy. And they like lots of you in different shapes and sizes because they get very bored fucking around with the same dump truck.
Want more?
He’s thinking about how he can avoid responsibility.
He’s thinking about how to best entertain himself, and in the process, triumph over his buddies in the other secret area of his life known as STATUS.
Yes, women figure into this “status” concept, but only when they’re in perfect physical condition, can complete a full sentence in the Queen’s English, and dress in a way that commands attention, in general, and adequately impresses his friends, in particular.
If this all sounds like high school all over again, it is.
Want even more?
Men don’t understand why women want to make things deep and complex when superficial is so much more fun?
So, you may ask, if men just want to have fun, then why are they so possessive?
The secret is that the possessiveness has nothing to do with you. It has to do with the primal connection between territorial control and status.
Didn’t I just mention this?
In other words, it has to do with other men. Just look at primate behavior and it’ll all fall into place.
Bonobos are a good species to study.
So what would men do if left to their own devices?
They would eat, masturbate, break things, and watch reruns of Evil Dead 3 and sleep.
Lesson: Feed him [well], play with him [roughly] and leave the premises without further comment room when he gets bored.
He’ll come find you when he’s ready.
That’s it.
