Archive for
June, 2008
June 30th, 2008
The above illustration is an accurate depiction of what courses through a man’s subconscious before his blind date walks in the door. If he cannot superimpose it onto her when she arrives, it’s over. She could be a complete psychopath, but if the damn illustration fits, he’s prepared to face the incidentals.
So why are women unable to separate external beauty from what’s inside?
Because they don’t want to.
They want you to buy their vision of reality, and not the other way around. So no matter how much beauty exists under some amorphous veneer, the veneer wins.
I started writing this blog two days ago, but after editing and re-editing 6 pages of text, I decided to give up. There are times when too much introspection - coupled with a world in disarray - is more than even I can handle at one time.
Peace.
June 27th, 2008
Is it even debatable that women are, for all intents and purposes, sex objects?
The phenomenon of sexual objectification is also present in the gay community, primarily because gay men are also men, and therefore also wired to respond to physical beauty first, before passing go — or anywhere else for that matter.
So to keep things simple, just know that ALL men are visual, regardless of sexual orientation.
Now, in the female-ian kingdom, appearance is a non-sequitur. Notice many lesbian couples and you will see that the “man” in the relationship is often physically repulsive; not unlike straight men in heterosexual relationships. Of course, if the man in the context of a heterosexual relationship happens to have gay tendencies, he will often look better than he’s supposed to; a phenomenon that reinforces this argument, but excludes pathological narcissists who may be strictly heterosexual in spite of their affliction.
Women know they have no choice in this matter; particularly if attracting a man is their objective. They must always be well-dressed, perfectly manicured and fit. They can yell about it all they want, but they still do what they must because there’s no way around it.
But there is irony here.
As much as women say they hate this double standard, it is not uncommon to see them stampeding make-up counters across America in search of the latest anti-aging products, while keeping close touch with the nurses at their surgeon’s offices for the next available liposuction appointment. And don’t even get me started on the $500 jeans that are supposed to reshape their butts to look like they did when they were in their 20’s, but don’t — with or without the jeans.
In short, they perpetuate the stereotype, and at the end of the day, seem to have little difficulty enjoying the rewards of their indulgences…like new cars and 5-star vacations.
The rest just wash their hands of the whole fucking thing and become lesbians.
June 27th, 2008
The following is based on a telephone interview with a married friend and colleague, who is also a published author of children’s books and art dealer. He and his age-appropriate wife typify what eventually morphs into the “urban working union;” a construct not unlike stevedores who work together at the nations’ ports loading boxes and containers onto ships.
But there are some striking differences.
After the first two years of marriage, things get familiar — too familiar. This is good for stevedores who want a safe and efficient modus operandi. But in age-appropriate relationships, the over-abundance of commonality makes it difficult to distinguish one person from the other, and this isn’t good when you’re doing anything other than loading ships or coordinating bombing raids over Iraq.
It’s as though they’re speaking through the same mouths, feeling the same feelings, thinking the same thoughts.
In short, from the perspective of romantic love, a union made in hell.
With this in mind, I have compiled a list of essential items for middle-age couples [40’s and 50’s], who have learned the art of mutual tolerance through non-negotiable boundaries. Now this may not work particularly well in the context of international politics; particularly where nuclear centrifuges are concerned, but when you’re dealing with a banker and a part-time teacher, it’s easier to monitor your agreements.
Rule #1: Always maintain two separate bathrooms. Showering together is only acceptable for couples in relationships of two years or less. You’re seeing with far more clarity at this point, which turns the exercise into kind of clinical dissection.
The toilet areas must remain private property at all times. This includes all toilet behavior, period. Familiarity of this kind turns two married people into roommates, and often adulterers.
The man is allowed to briefly watch his wife get ready, but she should never see him spending a lot of time getting ready because she doesn’t like it. There are many reasons for this, but suffice to say that if you pluck your eyebrows in front of her you’ll be walking the dog in a pink stroller before you know it.
Rule #2: The man must let himself go, completely. Cardio is fine for heart health, only. The man must feel that he is completely unattractive to women, therefore the woman he’s with is the best he can do. The more disgusting he is, the more successful his marriage prospects become. As a result of his physical disintegration, he will always look up to his wife…while looking down at himself]. At the very least, his stomach must always have some cleavage. But the wife must maintain herself, which further solidifies the perception that, while other women are hot, his current wife is already way over his head.
Rule#3: Men must have a private man room. It is his inner sanctum; a place that he can decorate, without interference. It is totally off limits to his wife. She cannot attempt to clean it, nor enter the space for any reason other than to save his life in the event of a tornado; something he can’t hear because the Yankees game is set at roughly the decibel level of a fully-loaded 747 at take-off …or perhaps, an atomic blast.
Rule#4: Clothing should go the way of the stomach. This excludes business events. At any other time, the man must dress like shit. This further enhances his total undesirability. When going out with her, however, he must make effort to look better, but not too much better.
Rule#5: Her friends are her friends — and your acquaintances! Your friends are her acquaintances. You will need someone to complain to and you can’t do this with the enemy.
Rule#6: Own your own car; and one that she absolutely, positively hates. It’s best if she genuinely fears it. She must refuse to drive it under any circumstances.
Rule#7: Have a rich fantasy life; primarily alone [see man room]. You’re now free to get to do it alone. See women usually have problems achieving, which men often feel responsible for. This can be a pain in the ass, because men don’t usually have this problem. They just have their orgasms, which frees women up to break out their arsenal of tools designed to address every nerve ending in their anatomy.
In summation, it continues to be a matter of debate whether or not women are wired to be sexual outside of the context of child-bearing. Needles to say, young women tend to be more sexual because they are trying to find themselves. As a result, they enjoy sex as a form of exploration. Other arguments suggest that their raging hormones encourage this behavior…before it all flows into their brains, where it is lost forever in a web of blinding complexity.
Men just want to fuck, period. They like to watch sports, drink beer and fuck. They like to keep things simple, and certainly separated. Men are men and women are women. And any attempt to blend the two into one super-being cartalyses a reaction similar to combining bleach with ammonia.
In the end, women aren’t driven by their sexuality, but they are still fully capable of weilding it in order to get their needs met. With this said, such needs rarely have anything whatsoever to do with sex in particular, and everything to do with gaining access to your man room, which is festering like an infected wound and is now beginning to have an adverse impact on the surrounding ecosystem.
June 25th, 2008
Yes, both of these women are Angelina Jolie. But Hollywood refers to the one on the right as it’s poster child for what constitutes “middle aging, gracefully.”
That’s hysterical.
Do people not realize that Ms. Jolie is only 33 years of age? And given this fact is it not extraordinary that she doesn’t look a day under 50? I’m not saying she’s a dog, but how can anyone say she doesn’t look 20 years older than she is?
Paper thin skin, intense angularity, steely-eyed, reptillian, alien-like expression.
Do some people become so over-exposed and famous that they actually start to morph out of the human condition altogether?
How many kids does she have now, like 253, from 22 different nations or something?
Whatever, I’m stuck on a long blog and decided to take a break to rant about Hollywood’s alien-human genome program. I mean none of their children will ever look like their parents! I think that’s kind of weird, don’t you?
So what do the kids do? Go to the same surgeons who then replicate the features of their parents? If they don’t they’ll have to carry identification cards everywhere they go just to prove they’re not delusional.
Personally, I like the one on the left, but maybe that’s because at the time the photograph was taken she and I were on the same planet.
Does she not look kind of extraterrestrial?
June 23rd, 2008
Want to know what happens when you make your life about what other people think? Let me put it this way: Unless you’re on a morphine drip you don’t want to know.
Why is it so fucking important to leave a mark on the world? Older guys are always talking about this as though it matters in some way. But you never want to get too specific with them about it or they’ll change the subject as though they never mentioned it in the first place.
Did you know that a lot stands between good and bad? I’m excluding you borderlines in this discussion.
I’m trying to grow up. I still have the mentality of someone half my age. But I’m not half my age, so I’ve had to accept some limitations; like the insight I wish I didn’t have; particularly when dating someone half my age.
If dreams plus drive equal success, then what’s the particular genesis of the dreams, because I need to know where the fuck I’m going.
People are always talking about the middle-age crisis thing, but the same people have been talking about it since they were 28, including me.
The other day I tried going back to some of my old therapy notes to see if I could figure out where I was going before I got lost altogether.
I wonder what it feels like being in the head of a 42 year old divorcee who was once an LSU cheerleader?
I wore the same clothing on Tuesday and Friday nights, but felt like two different people on both occasions.
Carmen has been diagnosed clinically insane, but still can’t get her father to love her.
No one’s getting their emotional needs met in their relationships these days because they’re afraid of confusing intimacy with sex.
What people say and what they do are often in conflict, which is what happens when you suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder; the same disorder your shrink denies you have in exchange for $150/hr.
“I’m a giver. I’m grounded.” Don’t you love it when people buy into their own delusions?
Look at it this way: One day you’re going to die. So things really aren’t all that bad in the scheme of things.
My shrink refuses to tell me I’m insane no matter how much I pay her. No wonder she’s so busy.
June 21st, 2008
The following article was written by Jane Ganahl, author of Naked on the Page: the Misadventures of My Unmarried Midlife.
My comments follow:
“For the uninitiated, a cougar is a powerful, sexy woman of a certain age. She is not looking to get married or have babies. She loves nothing better than to pick up man-cubs and have her wicked way with them. Think of the 40-something Samantha on Sex and the City, who rode off into the night with her beloved 20-something Smith, howling an (ahem) ecstatic tune.
I had a cougar phase in my 40s, and sweet it was. I was just coming off a divorce, my daughter was just off to college, and it was playtime! I salved my “empty nest” heartbreak with a series of enthusiastic younger lovers who brought a wonderful energy to my life and reminded me that there were plenty of miles in me yet.
Like me, many women hit a self-esteem dip in their 40s due to divorce; for those women, I heartily endorse reclaiming self-esteem by dating younger guys—they are generally far more worshipful than our contemporaries.
I grew out of my cougar phase when I realized that great sex, while an important part of a relationship, wasn’t as important to me as shared life experience. (As Nietzsche famously noted, “A good marriage is based on the talent for friendship.”) I became more interested in a suitor’s brain, spirituality and music preferences than I was his washboard abs. And I definitely viewed my cougar activities as just-for-fun; it didn’t occur to me that a December-May relationship could have a future.
Perhaps it should have! Many so-called cougars have found long-term love with their junior swains. The 15-year age difference between Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher — so tittered about at first — now seems like a big so-what; their marriage seems solid and real and adoring.
But taking the cougar route is not for the faint of heart. There are still some ugly stereotypes out there that suggest cougars are pathetic, lonely, bored creatures, rather than powerful sexual beings.”
Pshaw, says Valerie Gibson, author of Cougar: A Guide for Older Women Dating Younger Men.
“If the sexes were reversed, would they say that about an older man bedding a young woman? Of course not!” she says indignantly. “I’ve spent the last several years trying to change that image, but society hasn’t quite gotten it yet.”
She points out that this social phenomenon has a lot to offer mature single women: “The whole cougar movement is about giving women the opportunity to think differently about aging. Where it used to be all over at this age, now it’s only beginning. These women have everything to offer and should not allow society to put them down.”
Gibson also sees no reason why such unions can’t lead to love and marriage. “It’s foolish to assume that love can’t blossom no matter what the age difference. And unlike the old days, when women had to marry someone older than they were, dating younger expands romantic opportunities significantly,” she says.
Cougar, the slang term that describes women who date and marry younger men, has slipped into mainstream usage.
WowOwow.com lists 12 of its favorite “cougars,” including Jennifer Aniston, Demi Moore and Halle Berry, as the trend appears to be on the rise in Hollywood.
1. Jennifer Aniston, 39, who is dating John Mayer, 30.
2. Halle Berry, 41, who has a child with partner Gabriel Aubry, 31.
3. Demi Moore, 45, who is married to Ashton Kutcher, 30.
4. Kim Cattrall in real life, 51, dates chef Alan Wyse, 28
5. Madonna, 49, who is married to Guy Ritchie, 39.
6. Susan Sarandon, 62, who has been with Tim Robbins, 50, for 20 years.
7. Mary Tyler Moore, 71, who has been married to Dr. Robert Levine, 54, since 1983.
8. Joan Collins, 75, who is married to Percy Gibson, 32 years her junior.
9. Queen Elizabeth I, 48, and her one-time fiancé, François, Duke of Anjou, 22.
10. Cleopatra married the younger Ptolemy (her brother). She also married her other brother Ptolemy IV, who was also younger.
Whatever…
There are approximately 303,000,000 people in the United States. For those of you not used to seeing so many zeroes separated by commas, that would be three hundred and three million [people]. And I’m not sure whether or not the figure includes the tens of millions of undocumented immigrants, which might bring the figure closer to the 400 million mark.
With this in mind, Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher are two people; two unique people; both famous celebrities; both wealthy beyond this economic downturn’s ability to impact, and as a result, different from the rest of us.
Drag both of them out of the context of Hollywood and you’d have a married guy with a job at IBM; a wife five years his junior; two kids in Little League; and a middle class suburban home. The woman [Ms Moore] would be a divorcee with a job at the make-up counter at Macy’s, and a premium account at Match.com.
All I can say is God help women if this relationship craters and he starts dating a 25 year old athlete with enough Teflon in her perky butt to deflect a direct blast from a deer rifle.
This notwithstanding, all of you know by now that I’m the poster child for generational dating — no matter which gender is on top. But let’s be real about it: Most people in their 20’s – and, perhaps, very early 30’s - would prefer to couple with people their own age. The older/younger relationships tend to be fall-back positions when women need a break from a bad marriage, or when men see the end of days and then decide to turn around.
Older women can always find buyers when they’re passing out free sex. Conversely, men can expect the same attention when passing out first-class airline tickets to all-expense paid vacations to Jamaica.
But these relationships are, more often than not, nothing more than morphine for the pain of loneliness and despair. By their very nature they are escapist. I’m not knocking them, but I’m also not going to sit here and tell you that your Hawaiian Tropic girlfriend is totally enthralled with your 62-year old body. Or that the surfer dude with the medical illustration quality abs wouldn’t prefer the chick on the board next to him, if only she had beachfront property in Malibu.
If young people had their way, their peers would have money, maturity and good looks all at the same time. But because nature tends to work backwards, their fantasy of finding a human WalMart is about as likely as finding a Smoothie King in an adjoining star system.
So they adapt. I’ll take the older woman as long as she’s extraordinarily hot, willing and loaded. I’ll take the older man if he’s more attentive than my arrogant young boyfriend…and 100 times richer.
And while there are exceptions to every rule, they remain exceptions. The only reason we’re seeing so many more of these generational divides is because seventy-six million American children were born between 1945 and 1964, and since most of them are now divorced, they want dates. So what we have is adaptation on an epic scale, where people leverage what they do have in order to acquire what they don’t.
So while older women enjoy society’s broader acceptance of generational dating, the men in question make out like bandits, getting free sex, along with their own all-expense paid vacations to Jamaica.
So now women know what it feels like to be valued for something other than their physical beauty.
June 19th, 2008
This week’s New Scientist says two studies in the US have found that men with antisocial personality traits are more likely to have a prolific sex life.
The so-called `dark triad’ traits include impulsiveness, narcissism, thrill-seeking and deceitfulness, it said.
One of the studies, a survey of 35,000 people in 57 countries, found a clear link between dark triad traits and the reproductive success of males.
“It is universal across cultures for high dark triad scorers to be more active in short-term mating,” David Schmitt, of Bradley University in the United States, told the New Scientist.
“They are more likely to try and poach other people’s partners for a brief affair.”
Another study found that males who scored higher in the dark triad personality traits had a greater number of partners and a desire for short relationships.
Analysis:
With the exception of fictitious characters like 47-year old Hank Moody [David Duchovny] in Showtime’s Californication series, few guys over the age of, say, 40 ever get a pass on the “dark triad” behavior.
A guy in his twenties can say and/or do anything he wants. The more outrageous, the better.
But when we get older women hold us to a completely different set of standards, wherein the behavior that once had them sliding off their bar stools now has them running for the hills.
The problem for most players is that their behavior jades them for life. As a result, the moment they find a woman they can’t live without, they tend to withhold mentioning that she is just one in a cluster of other women in the same category.
I have a friend who claims these men have been ”bitten by wolves,” but that the transmitted virus doesn’t manifest for years down the road, when it’s too late to do anything about the fact that the future now rests on the wreckage of the past.
June 17th, 2008
Due to the hammering I’m getting from people who don’t like my analysis of the older man/younger woman article [the one below this], I offer the following clarification:
There are beautiful women in their 20’s that prefer older men. I’m talking 10, 20, even 30 or more years. And yes, amongst them are those without personality disorders, or prostitutes couched as starving art students.
But allow me to walk down memory lane with you to the time when I was 28. The world looked much the way it does today, for those of you who are interested, but the difference – in the context of dating - rested in my ability to date whomever I pleased, whenever I pleased; I mean, within reason. I couldn’t drag them from their homes in the dead of night or anything. Nonetheless, all this happened in spite of my arrogance, unbridled self-interest…and my financial distress.
I, like so many other young men I see out today, gorged myself on the blood of conquest for its sake alone. I know from personal experience what it feels like to control the destiny of people who would have been better off spending time with their Labrador Retrievers than the likes of me. But they did what nature intended and it was done…but only just before it was undone, which was most often the case.
That young women cannot see beyond their years is not my fault. I can’t make them do what nature declares their birthright. They are physically and emotionally wired to respond to people their age. They crave the young flesh, the ragged edges of emotional evolution, the fire that infuses their hormones with a magic that doesn’t require thought, but is rather a blinding sensation to which they surrender…for better or worse.
I can’t make that happen for them anymore; certainly not in the way it happens when two young people come together in ignorance, at the mercy of unintelligible impulses and raw craving. I’ve been there with them. I’ve felt the electricity. But at some point in life, you transfer the feral impulses to the mind; the new ground zero for all things sexual. But young women have to get there. Water must pass under the bridge. And that’s why so many of you older guys are frustrated, because their behavior runs on a kind of biological autopilot; without rhyme or reason.
Perhaps you’re better lovers, but it’s irrelevant. You may be more attentive…great. You’re certainly more appreciative. But your wiring is far more complex, and these women want to breathe in the freedom of youth before suffering the indignity of age, when guys like you will no longer see them in a crowded room in spite of the fact that you’re still 30 years their senior.
June 17th, 2008
Many of you won’t like what I’m about to tell you, but some things must be said in order to move forward with clarity.
As you know by now, I don’t pull punches. I lay it on the line and let the cards fall where they may, which is often all over the floor. So be it. This isn’t Ann Landers or Dr Phil. This isn’t a dress rehearsal for a new “reality” TV series. It’s ground zero for conditions on the front lines of urban life and love at middle age; a space in time where men and women attempt to savage their way to relevance at any and all cost…even if it means buying real estate in the Twilight Zone, otherwise known as the world of delusion; particularly in psychiatric circles.
For our purposes here, this blog is directed at people between the ages of 44 and 62, with the greatest emphasis placed on those situated squarely in the middle…the real Twilight Zone.
Take a deep, diaphragmatic breath and hold it and hold it for two seconds. Then slowly release at the count of 5.
Ready?
Inhale…hold…now exhale at the following count:
5…4…3…2…1
Good. You are now ready for your annual reality check.
Women in their 20’s are generally not interested in dating 50 year old men, period. It doesn’t mean you’re not attractive enough or wealthy enough or funny enough or anything else enough. It means that you’re twice their age and remind them of their fathers…no matter what other attributes happen to fall in your court.
There are certainly exceptions to this rule, but these unions tend to involve women with personality disorders, or a blinding obsession with money. In the later case [money], there may be no connection to any particular psychiatric disorder, but there is usually a direct correlation to growing up in a trailer park, where fending for oneself is as natural as hunting with packs of wolves.
In short, by virtue of age alone, a 28 year old guy will ALWAYS win in one-on-one competition for a 28 year old woman when his opponent is, say, 50.
But don’t worry. He’ll experience the same nightmare down the road. Hopefully you’ll still be alive to see it.
Anyway, the young woman will often choose to ignore – and sometimes embrace – her age-relevant lover’s most egregious flaws; traits that would earn a guy my age the guillotine. He can flaunt his philandering, pomposity, arrogance and deceitfulness, knowing that women his age will often find it charming, dangerously sexy and - at the very least - worth an errant fuck. All this unimaginable latitude is afforded him by virtue of his age, alone. There is also the issue of raw physical attraction, which tends to increases in direct proportion to the younger one happens to be.
You can Google Charles Darwin for more on this.
Look, you feel the same way about young women, so shut your face. Youth is designed to be magnetic. If it weren’t, the other primates would be at the top of the food chain around here.
I have a 62-year old friend who thinks his 23 year old girlfriend is in love with him. As a testament to her “love,” she recently treated a group of us to two bottles of expensive champagne for his birthday. She paid the bill with her platinum American Express card. Of course, she failed to mention that the card in question was given to her by the birthday boy; the same guy who’s convinced she loves him if only because he can’t get her to stop calling him at all hours of the night; especially towards the ends of the month, when the bills are due.
Because this is a blog and not a novel, I’ll cut to the chase: Age is a huge issue that no one has any control over. But for those of you who do want to play the older/younger game, just follow the guidelines below and you’ll have a good shot at getting – at least some of - your needs met.
THE 25 YEAR OLD WOMAN
1] Attractive “civilians” [non-hookers, strippers, gold-diggers] in this age category will date men between the ages of 22 and 32, with the preference being 28.
THE 30 YEAR OLD WOMAN
1] Attractive civilians in this category will date men 28 to 42.
THE 35 YEAR OLD WOMAN
1] Attractive civilians in this category will date men 25 to 45.
THE 40 YEAR OLD WOMAN
1] Attractive civilians in this category will date men 25 to 55…and sometime 65 if the guy is particularly nice to them, and/or has a lot of money he doesn’t mind departing with.
THE 45 YEAR OLD WOMAN
1] If you’re not Demi Moore, game over.
………………………………………………………………………….
THE 25 YEAR OLD MAN
1] Attractive men in this category can expect to date women 12 to 45.
THE 30 YEAR OLD MAN
2] Attractive men in this category can expect to date women 18 to 40.
THE 35 YEAR OLD MAN
3] Attractive men in this category can expect to date women 18 to 32.
THE 40 YEAR OLD MAN
1] Attractive men in this category can expect to date women 22 to 35.
THE 45 YEAR OLD MAN
1] Attractive [and affluent] men in this category can expect to date women 30 to 40.
THE 50 YEAR OLD MAN
1] Attractive [and affluent] men in this category can expect to date women 35 plus.
………………………………………………………………………
This it, folks.
But please note the fact that there are qualifiers throughout this breakdown. Specifically, focus on the words “will,” “can,” “attractive,” and “affluent.”
Physically unattractive women are screwed from the outset, no matter what their age. Physically unattractive men are only screwed when they are younger, and there’s a deficit of counter-balancing funds. Older guys get a break on the money thing, but they will never date a 28 year old “ten” unless they pay through the teeth for her…or somehow win the human lotto. This is because she’s not interested, as hard as that may be to hear. But don’t worry, in ten years you might ignore her as well.
I could break this down further, but what’s the point? We all find our own way in this war of the roses. It all boils down to weights and balances, which one learns to manipulate as the years pass. And by the way, if you’re a movie star, rock star, famous producer or celebrity athlete, you can toss all of this out the window.
The world then becomes your oyster — all 100 or so of you.
I leave you with this from one of my 20-something male readers…
It works out for women. Hell, they get all the good sex out of their system when they are young little whores in college and in their 20s when they are going out catting around in bars. Then when they land a rich older guy…., BAM! There they are, arrived at the very point for which they exist. Goldigger Shangri La….i.e. older man with money. Hey, we still look damn good later in life, unlike women who are perpetually chasing after creams, botox, lipo, and all kinds of other methods of the eternal race after the mystic, yet in all actuality … nonexistent fountain of youth. We can still pop a few babies out of them while they are in their prime child bearing years…and then in most cases the manipulative wretches will divorce us and take some dough as they retire into Urban Cougarhood. See, it all works out for everyone. Then we men who run the world can start all over again with another young gold digger who can easily replace the aforementioned, past-her-prime and now lonely with children cougar. Guys, …young or old, here is the operative word….”Next!”
I love that it is, and always will be a man’s world.
June 16th, 2008
Last night I was sitting with a group of friends at a crowded wine bar when two women walked in and sat at an adjoining table. After a few minutes, one of the guys sitting with us initiated a conversation; a move not uncommon to human beings or other primates, including chimpanzees and bonobos.
But as is often the case, men sometimes cross an invisible line known only to women; a line that can - and often will – set in motion a string of emotional events that turn a friendly gesture into a full-scale conflagration. This rarely happens in the reverse, so men never have any idea where the blast is coming from.
Needless to say, not much gets past me when it comes to these impending gender conflicts, so I pulled my friend out of the crossfire and went in the for kill. See I was also in the mood to play, so now she was headed for the receiving end of the aforementioned blast.
Her dismissive tone reeked of projection, and I knew that it emanated from some obliterated Cinderella fantasy for which all men would now take the fall. The way it plays out in these situations is that women first become indignant, then in a passive-aggressive way, infuse the conversation with tension that turns everything sour and reduces logic to a series of strategic moves designed to win an upper hand.
These women want something that has somehow eluded them, so they blame [in this case] the men next to them for its absence. This is because they are somehow tangentially tied to the ones that fucked them over in the first place, so they become [by default] the fall guys for ALL the disappointments these women have ever experienced at the hands of ALL men.
Of course, what they fail to recognize is that resurrection from these misguided notions may, in fact, rest with one of these men, but they play the odds against it and then act out accordingly.
My strategy was simple. All I had to do was focus everyone’s attention on a brief exchange of dialog with the offending creature in order to expose her vulnerability and the veneer that covered it. They could then handle the mop up.
Jay: So Joy, what sort of work do you do?
Joy: Advertising.
Jay: Do you work for an advertising agency?
Joy: Just general.
Jay: Just general what? Like Budweiser promotions?
Joy: Ha Ha. [Deflecting the question]
Jay: So are you girls just visiting Houston or do you live here?
Joy: [points to the ground to indicate that she is from Houston]
Jay: What part of town do you live in, Joy?
Joy: Washington Avenue area.
Jay: Oh really? What part?
Joy: Washington and Patterson.
Jay: Is that near downtown?
Joy: It’s in the Heights.
Jay: I know that Washington Avenue is in The Heights. I’m just asking if you’re closer to downtown or Memorial Park.
Joy: It’s over in that general area.
Jay: Do you also speak Chinese, because if you do, I might have a better handle on where this conversation is going.
[I left the table. My point had been made].
Conversations like these aren’t unusual. It’s what we mean when we use the term “dating” in the same sentence with the hyphenate “war-zone.”
If women have no interest whatsoever in interacting with men, then why do they go to a wine bar in 6-inch pumps, hammer three bottles of Merlot [in the immediate vicinity of a table full of guys] and then expect said men not to attempt so much as a modicum of interaction?
The truth of the matter is that they do, in fact, want the attention and interaction, in general. But they want complete control over how it manifests [i.e., who approaches them and when it’s appropriate to do so].
This is what I mean when I talk about the imaginary line.
If you are constantly hit on [mostly because women set it up that way], you tend to become jaded. But after a while it is not uncommon for certain women to question the validity – or existence at all – of any other redeeming attributes.
This is where the shit hits the fan, and where one finds the source of the blast I keep mentioning.
The moral of the story is that if you don’t want to interact with others of your species, find a more private venue. But if you’re ambivalent about it, keep your claws to yourself, lest you find yourself tripping over someone else’s invisible line.
