Archive for
May, 2008
May 31st, 2008
We can talk about egalitarianism for the next thousand years, but we’re fooling ourselves if we somehow believe that men and women are even remotely similar when it comes to anything other than DNA.
Take beauty, for example.
Female celebrities know it’s something they must be in possession of at all times, but can never hang onto in all cases. They do, however, get a pass once they’re over the age of 70; but even then they still have to maintain proper weight, proportion and style. And God help them if their teeth aren’t perfect until the day they die.
Male celebrities, on the other hand, are given a pass to age gracefully, as long as they don’t try to look 25 when they’re 3 times that age. Two times that age still works, but 3 remains off limits for anyone but Jack Nicholson.
Most women dismiss these men as arrested adolescents; but they are still given a pass on the above formula. See security is the name of the game for women, and while they appreciate beauty, they can live without it and still maintain a sexual relationship with their husbands.
The question is can these same husbands live without it and still maintain a sexual relationship with their wives?
Both sexes seem to agree that women are inherently less visual than men. But why is this? Could it be more about deflecting attention from the fact that they tend to age faster?
If men aged disproportionately faster, would they be more compelled to look for more meaningful attributes in women than, say, how far they can bounce a off her ass?
Demi Moore is a case in point. She is incredibly successful in her own right, and at this writing, 45 years of age. She is married to Ashton Kushner; a handsome and successful leading man of 30. And while Kutcher and she may or may not share some sacred connection, the fact that she’s spent over, like, 100 million dollars on plastic surgery underscores the aforementioned points.
Here are just a couple of photos, headlines and feeds that illustrate my point:
SEPARATED AT BIRTH OR SHARING THE SAME SURGEON? DEMI AND OZZY ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO TELL APART
At this point, Ashton doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “All that surgery,” he might be saying, “And I end up with the Prince of Darkness?”
Demi Moore has been investing a tremendous amount of money in her appearance lately - she even had her knees done/lifted/recapped. All its done is made her look sharper, more grim, and generally uptight all the time. When she does smile, what it does to her freakishly stretched face is just chilling. It’s no wonder Ashton has been trading little winks and smirks with Rumer lately [Rumer Glenn Willis is the 19 year old daughter of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore]. Now there’s a potential Hollywood scandal - shades of Lana Turner!
We’d ask Sharon for her comment on this shocking similarity, but frankly, we’re kind of intimidated - she’d just curse us out and flash us a granny boob.
IS ASHTON KUSHNER BEING HELD AGAINST HIS WILL? WHAT COULD THEY WANT, AND WHAT WILL THEY DO?
Perhaps Demi Moore has found alternative uses for invisible fence technology. One wrong move and Ashton gets to ride the lightning. You’d think he’d be happy to be the meat in that sandwich. Ashton seems to be growing into his role as Demi’s meat puppet. He doesn’t ask to see his young, immature friends anymore, and is perfectly content reading Dickens by the fire - warily eying the proximity of Demi’s hand to the red-hot poker resting in the glowing embers.
And they are - now that Ashton’s actual age is starting to catch up with Demi’s cosmetically enhanced youth, he’s actually starting to look a bit older.
“It could always be worse,” Ashton may think. “I could look like her last husband.” Considering he’s closer in age to her oldest daughter (and quite chummy, by the look of things), he might be content to ride it out.
In the end, women get the raw end of the deal.
Because while a man might appreciate a woman for her intelligence, sensitivity, character and wit, he’s also got a close eye on her ass and how it stacks up to Bob’s wife, Cindy, the Pilates instructor.
Blame evolution.
But it did seem to have a fallback position, though, given the burgeoning popularity of lesbian erotica in the mainstream media; from the Madonna-Britney kiss to the lesbian liaisons on mainstream shows like Ally McBeal, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and The L Word. Popular media has tapped into lesbianism to boost ratings, and survey after survey reveals that the majority of men and women enjoy watching two women engage in a passionate interlude.
In the end, it may be girl-girl erotica that wins the homosexual community its long-sought acceptance as a natural part of human sexuality…and girl-girl relationships as the next logical step in human evolution.
May 31st, 2008
[Ellen always did have good taste in women]
Sodomy laws in the original American colonies were based on common English sodomy laws. Sodomy was considered a crime and defined as non-procreative sexual practices that included masturbation, oral sex, and anal sex.
Most people associate the term with anal sex between two men, but they would be wrong.
Both English and U.S. laws derived from religious rules about sodomy. In 1683, Pennsylvania called sodomy an “unnatural sin,” and New Jersey declared it among the “offenses against God.” By 1960, all U.S. states had laws in place against sodomy.
But since then, most states have repealed sodomy laws, though 14 states maintain laws banning it either between homosexuals or between both homosexuals and heterosexuals. For many religions, the question of whether sexual acts that do not result in procreation are allowed is still a hot issue.
I love the way morality can be argued as though it were two different plot twists in a screenplay. It’s hysterical.
Anyway, here’s a look at what the major faiths say about non-procreative sexual acts.
Judaism: Opposed
Catholicism: Opposed
Christianity: Opposed
Mormon: Opposed
Buddhism: Opposed
Hinduism: Not good if your goal is to achieve nothingness
Islam: Opposed
Here’s what the major faiths have to say about Homosexual acts:
Judaism: Opposed
Catholicism: Opposed
Christianity: Opposed
Mormon: Opposed
Buddhism: Opposed
Hinduism: Opposed
Islam: Don’t even think about it.
Here’s what major faiths have to say about Prostitution:
Judaism: Maybe under some circumstances.
Catholicism: As long as you confess, you’re probably okay with GOD.
Christianity: Publicly disapprove, privately don’t discuss
Mormon: They run the only state that allows it.
Buddhism: Whatever.
Hinduism: See Buddhism
Islam: For girls as young as 9, Iran has established a system of legalized prostitution, through the practice of “sigheh” or “temporary marriages,” by which a mullah arranges a “legal union” between a man and a girl (some as young as nine years old) for a fee. The so-called marriage can last as short as one hour.
Nuf said.
If no one seems particularly inclined to condone homosexuality, but most people don’t care one way or the other about prostitution, then why is gay marriage now okay in California - and soon - New York, but prostitution still illegal everywhere, except for a remote outpost in suburban Las Vegas?
I realize they are not moral equivalents in the absolute sense, but from a strictly academic perspective, why does one come up short?
We’ve got gambling, alcohol and sex shops on every street corner in this country - including 400 million pages of porn on the internet - but we still have city-sanctioned raids on strip clubs because someone’s getting an illegal blowjob.
Strippers in Houston, for example, are now forced to cover their breasts and perform “lap dances” - 3 feet from the patrons! All this while the local bar down the street promotes Tequila shots for a dollar; or 10 shots for 5 dollars, in which case even thinking about driving an automobile constitutes a felony; an act most people are willing to risk because they know the police are busy elsewhere raiding strip joints for blowjobs they’re not receiving themselves.
Look, I don’t have a problem with gay people getting married. Why anyone wants to get married in the first place is beyond me, but that’s beside the point.
If 5 minutes ago [4 years in some places] gay marriage was both morally wrong and illegal, then why is it a birthright in California 5 minutes later? And why can’t this same logic be applied to prostitution? Why is it the never-ending scapegoat for all that’s wrong with society?
The gay community would argue that all people have a God-given right to marry, regardless of their sexual orientation. And I would agree with them. But if most religions condemn gay marriage - but leave the jury out on prostitution - why is gay marriage the only winner?
Maybe prostitutes need better lobbyists.
In short, if I want to hire a prostitute, why am I less moral than two gay people getting married in the less-progressive eyes of a religion that formally condemns it?
What consenting adults do is their business; including gay marriage — but not excluding prostitution. Gay people should enjoy the same benefits as heterosexual married couples, but I would argue that people who want an unrestricted lap dance be considered just as acceptable as a person who decides to eat a pound of ground turkey on Good Friday.
Footnote: Gay Marriage has been legal for the past 4 years in Massachussetes, but prostitution still isn’t.
May 26th, 2008
We take so much for granted in this country, including our right of free expression; a freedom that wouldn’t exist without the sacrifice of the men and women of our armed services who put their asses on the line to protect it.
And while this tribute may seem a little out of place on this blog site, it’s hard not to be moved by something that’s so easy to forget; particularly when we take a hard look at how jaded we’ve become.
May 25th, 2008
COMING THIS WEEK!
May 25th, 2008
COMING THIS WEEK!
May 23rd, 2008
In the bedroom [or anywhere else for that matter] middle-age men rely heavily on the mind to achieve a satisfying sexual experience. And I’m not talking about romance here.
Think fetish-wear, stream-of-consciousness bedroom banter [of the gutter variety], objectification, fantasy play, power exchange, alternative lifestyle exploration, and so on.
This isn’t the world of…you woman, me man, we [therefore] copulate. It’s more like…sure you’re female, but [for example] how does the idea of lying under a vat of hot wax in latex pumps sound to you?
Side note #1: Teenagers don’t care about the hot wax. They care about physical stimulation. And besides, their hormones obliterate the lion’s share of brain chemistry allotted to emotion…and they’re okay with that.
Anyway, older guys know that the first few chapters are under the bridge. Time’s now a lot more precious. So they want [demand] a reliable fix to relieve the stress of aging, among other accumulated items; both physical and emotional. And this time around, bad sex is no longer better than no sex at all.
Side note #2: Men tend to die first, primarily, because they don’t process stress well. Women, on the other hand, tend to embrace and explore emotional issues with one another, which gives them a far better shot at perpetuity, whether they like the idea of living alone or not. And while I don’t have a consensus on this, I do get the impression that being alone for women is almost a contradiction in terms.
In this quest for sexual satisfaction many men will choose, for example, the female psychotic; a woman who knows no boundaries and is utterly controlled by her sexual impulses. Not unlike the aging man in this regard, these women also want to relieve the stress of life, but aging has nothing to do with it.
This is where we get into the serial monogamy thing I’ve talked so much about. After the psychotic hurls enough champagne bottles at your head, you simply replace her with someone who is less inclined to throw things, but equally insane; primarily in the bedroom.
These women don’t care what they say or do in bed. And they don’t care what you say or do, either. This frees the man to touch his primal core. Sex feels out-of- control [its natural state], as the endorphins pin down the cerebral cortex like a flash-flood.
Women must understand, respect, appreciate and practice behavior that addresses a man’s need for sexual gratification, which she already realizes, anyway – but sometimes resents - or chooses to ignore, for other personal reasons. But in doing so, she places her relationship in great peril.
For those who do practice the aforementioned, make sure he doesn’t think you’re doing it for any reason other than the fact that you like doing it; that it’s part of who you are, and that it has nothing whatsoever to do with the prospect of a trip to Hawaii.
Remember, girls, this isn’t about your foreplay needs. It’s about keeping him focused on you. If you can accomplish this he will do whatever the hell else you want. But he comes first, or you’ll end up on the street.
Do not turn sex into something clinical or your man will check himself into an outpatient program at a nearby topless club. To men, sex a drug; and one that’s readily available in the mind. When women complain about the lack of it in their relationships, they should ask themselves if they are not somehow [unwittingly] responsible for ritualizing it into something that men no longer recognize as sex, but more an element of intimacy from the perspective of a Madonna figure. To men there must be some distinction between Madonna and whore, or Madonna wins, and both parties lose.
A lot of men will probably throw a hissy fit over this, calling it a stereotype from the mind of a sex-addict, but these are the same conservative, respected and family-oriented bankers, lawyers and engineers who end up on the evening news in handcuffs, after being caught getting a blowjob from a street-walker in the back seat of the family’s Suburban.
May 18th, 2008
The way the game was traditionally played women dated – and eventually married - men within a few years of their age. Most of this was wrapped up by the time they were 25. But for the past two decades or so, women have been opting for career advancement and financial independence over husbands, which wasn’t a big problem for most men who were doing the same thing…while feeding on the windfall of single women in their spare time.
But what this meant for women [by default] was that time had to pass, which rendered them older than they were when they made the decision to pursue their careers in the first place.
That’s the way it works. You try one thing, but in the process, lose another…like time.
So ten years later these same women decided to hit the streets - or the internet [for convenience, of course] - in search of a husband, but what they discovered was that the eligible men they knew a decade ago were now dating and marrying women from the succeeding generation.
That would be the generation after theirs, for those of you who like the sound of a hammer pounding a nail through concrete.
For women who did marry in their 20’s, many found themselves divorced with children; young kids who couldn’t recognize their biological fathers in a police lineup if their lives depended on it…much less the three or four other guys who came and went with nothing more a first name and a handshake.
[I’ll discuss the reasons for this in another blog.]
So these women got screwed in an entirely different way, and then unavoidably passed on the emotional scars to their kids, who’ll go on to repeat the cycle for another generation to deal with.
Okay, so now we have an unprecedented number of middle-age, single people running around big cities in what feels like a feeding frenzy; a scenario not unlike what happens when you hurl bloody halibut into the ocean in the Great Barrier Reef.
Escort services are booming. Couples with 25-year age differences are commonplace. Insanity is no longer considered a psychiatric problem as much as a normal personality characteristic, like anger, remorse, sadness or psychotic disassociation, for example.
It’s no wonder people walk around dumbfounded by the fact that everyone they date is fucking insane. In the context of what’s normal, they are. And this is perpetuated by capitalism at work, where supply and demand struggle to reach parity; which again brings up the hooker, call girl, escort thing and its unlikely kinship with financially strapped, divorced mothers.
Talk about surrealism.
People see these older men in the arms of beautiful young women and wonder how this can be. But what they don’t take into consideration is that those same women are on the clock at $500/hour. Now there are other beautiful and available women who are not prostitutes, but you’ll have to foot the bills for their psychiatric medications, nonetheless.
Regardless, you still have to address the fact that there is a complete absence of emotional connection…which is why I started the article in the first place.
People in general want it all, but are always forced to settle for less because life never comes fully loaded. You always have to fight for something that’s missing no matter what stage of the game you happen to be in; money or no money.
Side note: One interesting example of survival strategy at work are divorced women who become drug reps after graduating from Budweiser promotions.
Anyway, now that these women are squarely in the 35-40 category, there are scant few available men, because all the age-appropriate candidates are more interested in 25-30 category. And even if they’re willing to settle for 35, the pressure to procreate immediately is often too much to bear, so 25 always seems to win. They get a few more years of arrested adolescence before the innuendo starts with the subtlety of an atomic bomb…
”Honey, this has been great and all, but don’t you think it’s time we thought about KIDS?”
So there you have it.
This is why I get so many emails from people in Kansas who think I should check into drug rehab for what they assume are hallucinations.
May 16th, 2008
Haven’t men always struggled with the Madonna-whore complex?
Freud titled the phenomenon, but it preceded him by eons.
This complex often develops in childhood when the man is raised by a distant mother. Such a man will often court women with qualities of his mother, hoping to fulfill a need for intimacy unmet in childhood. Often, the wife begins to be seen as his mother - a Madonna figure - and thus not a possible object of sexual attraction. For this reason, in the mind of the man, love and sex cannot be mixed, and the man is reluctant to have sexual relations with his wife, for that, he thinks unconsciously, would be as incest. He will reserve sexuality for “bad” or “dirty” women, and will not develop “normal” feelings of love in these sexual relationships.
This is often why men have historically kept mistresses, concubines, whores. It is also why we’ve tended to divide our personal lives in two; weighing intimacy against eroticism as though they were arch-enemies in a battle for survival in the context of evolutionary design.
Pursuant to this, allow me to introduce feminism; a behavioral construct that reinforces the notion that women are not only more distant through a newly-established independence, but are now also fierce competitors.
With its most fundamental tenet being egalitarianism, the movement has attempted to marginalize traditional male behavior. Some would argue “subordinate it to equality;” a condition for which most men are not prepared.
So in order to adapt, men must either de-program themselves from their evolutionary heritage, or face a new world in retrograde. The question is how much of this can be deprogrammed? Exactly how much hard-wiring are we talking about?
In short, can we simply ignore all of it and just start all over?
No.
That women have decided to swap roles doesn’t mean that men are going to stand down.
So when people ask me why so many men lose interest in sex after their relationships are established, I tell them to dig up their DSM IV and read the chapters that address “adjustment disorder”; and its inherent relationship to women in the 21st century.
See, men are only obsessed with sex when they feel powerful. But their power is a fragile entity; particularly where emotional intimacy is concerned. None of this was called into questions centuries ago.
Being physically stronger - while emotionally weaker - made sense in the scheme of things. Men built empires. Fought wars. Fed their families. And at the end of the day, came home to rest; to be nurtured, loved, adored and honored for being men.
Since the beginning of civilization, women have learned to recognize and accept this behavior as an integral part of male psychology. And for the sake of their own survival, they pandered to these primitive needs and desires in order to get their own needs met; including a home, children, food and protection.
But the advent of feminism changed the paradigm forever.
“I walked right past him, buck-naked, and he didn’t flinch!” says Janie from Colorado.
“What am I doing wrong? I want him to be the man he was back when we were dating…not my best friend. I have lots of girlfriends. I don’t need another one. And I certainly don’t want to be married to one.”
Janie was born a century too late. Had she been a proper 19th century wife, she would have been thrilled with a husband, two children…and one whore [for him].
She would have understood and appreciated the fact that both parties had their needs met. He could “split” like a functional sociopath and she could ignore it like a codependent…and still get fed.
It was perfect.
But today we see men in record numbers refusing to have sex with their wives/girlfriends because they are not able to merge Madonna with whore and still achieve an erection. They get too close to their lovers, and then feel embarrassed revealing the depraved Neolithic sex pig that lurks beneath the conservative veneer.
Reinforcing traditional male models are female porn stars [male creations], who interact with their lovers the way men want their wives to interact with them; particularly in the bedroom. But modern women often resent the stereotypes and refuse to comply. Rather than “devouring his big, fucking cock” the way any self-respecting, lust-ravaged whore does, the wife merely “fondles his penis and offers penetration after lots of loving foreplay.”
So the battle rages as men struggle to both objectify their lovers and nurture their wives…all under one roof. But this is a tall order because men need a degree of emotional distance in order to function. Otherwise, they are faced with the prospect of making love to their mothers or sisters, which they rarely do, in spite of the proliferation of incest porn.
Most men would agree that it’s nice to spend time at home with a wife or girlfriend [i.e., cooking, reading and watching movies]. But women must remember that they are still women, as opposed to one of his male friends. Making him your best buddy may end up emasculating him.
So remember…
1] MEN ARE VISUAL.
2] MEN DON’T WANT TO THINK OF WOMEN AS MEN WITH VAGINAS
3] MEN RESENT WOMEN WHO DON’T APPRECIATE THEIR INHERENT EMOTIONAL DIFFERENCES
4] MEN DON’T WANT TO BE CHANGED
5] MEN HAVE TO COME TO DECISIONS ON THEIR OWN. YOU CANNOT BLUDGEON THEM INTO SUBMISSION WITH YOUR DOGMA.
Men place women on pedestals, and then fantasize that both parties are members of two entirely different species. This obviously beats the crap out of any notions of equality, but it is how many men must think in order to maintain women as objects of desire.
But women continue to insist on having it both ways.
They want men to be both friends and lovers in the unique way that women perceive the communion. And they become frustrated when men aren’t able to get there [see items 1-5]. Thus, the divorce rate is sky-high, surveys reveal sexual dissatisfaction rates in 70th percentile, and monogamy is, for all intents and purposes, dead.
Some men fulfill this need to disconnect by surreptitiously hiring prostitutes or surfing porn. Women react with utter disbelief, while conducting their own affairs, but for entirely different reasons.
Sooooo, in the context of a long-term, monogamous, heterosexual relationship, the ability to maintain a high level of sexual satisfaction hinges on a woman’s ability to manipulate her man’s perception of her; which she may or not wish to do unless she’s getting something else out of the deal that doesn’t involve sex and intimacy…like money.
There must be an exchange of power, and it must be out of balance and in favor of the man, even when it really isn’t.
This doesn’t mean that the couple shouldn’t communicate. But it does mean that communication must be confined to a level of intimacy - and subject matter - that do not jeopardize his fantasies of you.
An example of fantasy-kill is female belching. Unless it’s an accident, he’ll immediately replace you with a stripper who’ll shove a syringe filled with fantasy directly into his femoral artery.
Remember, if he belches, it’s obnoxious.
If she does it, it’s a fucking catastrophe.
Women flow in a kind of sexual current; a continuous rhythm that ebbs and flows. Men just flow with the sex, and then disappear altogether during the ebbing part.
In most cases, when a man says he’s too tired for sex, it usually means he’s too comfortable. He wouldn’t be too tired if a stranger in black leather Chanel pumps and matching garters stood at the foot of his bed with her mouth wide open, believe me.
Men thrive on fantasy; the raw, passionate exchange that takes nothing from them. Men want to believe that women lust the same way they do, and that they need their man to conquer them - not just because they want to feel needed - but because they also need the physical satisfaction that only he can provide.
This new world is a tough terrain. And for independent women who still desire long-term monogamous relationships with men, they must be willing to play both sides of the fence whether they like it or not.
But as the level of resentment builds, manipulation will begin to wane, and we’ll probably all end up with needles in our arms.
May 14th, 2008
http://davidseaman.tumblr.com/post/34502555
Love him or loathe him, you can’t help but admire this guy’s ability to transition from emotional waste case to professional on-camera persona.
May 14th, 2008
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jay rusovich
YouTube pulled this legendary video of Bill O’Reilly – ranting – from its archives late yesterday, but I managed to find it on the web: http://davidseaman.tumblr.com/post/34502555
The bottom line is that being a public figure of any kind is tough terrain. The pressure is enormous. And though you may not like Bill O’Reilly, he is nonetheless, a very talented and impassioned professional.
Successful people tend to be control freaks who are, more often than not, out of control. They are fueled by a narcissistic sense of entitlement that some refer to as delusion. To others, the behavior reflects a certain genius that won’t lie down. But whatever its source, this conviction has a way of worming its way into reality through sheer force of will; transforming fantasy into reality.
With this said, the video could have been taken of me…and as recently as, say, yesterday.
So it resonnated.
And though I never intensionally hurt anyone, the fact that I am unbelievably hard on myself sometimes manifests itself in ways that can feel like it’s directed elsewhere.
Perhaps O’Reilly felt something similar.
This is one for the record books, and a reminder of just how difficult it is to be perfect; particularly when everyone around you expects nothing less.
