07 May 2007, Posted by admin in Jay Rusovich, 0 Comments

Art Openings Pick one: You’ve got between 6 and 8 PM. Good Luck.

Would someone please explain to me why gallery openings are routinely scheduled from 6 PM to 8 PM, rather than, say, 6 PM to Midnight? I’m still driving home from whatever I happened to be doing that afternoon before the damn things are over. Most galleries have monthly openings, which ironically, all fall on the same night. So, at 6 PM, we’re supposed to be ready for a night out on the town – in the blinding light of day. One could also choose to tan at this time of day, given the sun’s optimum trajectory. Ever since Spring Forward [don’t get me started], it doesn’t get dark around here until, like, midnight.

So let’s say Bob and Jane Doe want to attend five art openings during the course of one evening. In order to do so, they have to start getting ready at around 4:30 PM in order to be on time for gallery number one. Assuming that they arrive at precisely 6 PM, and assuming that the valet’s aren’t spaced out on opium, they enter the gallery hoping for a fast, clean operation. Remember, there are four more openings to go. The optimum situation is 1] that they don’t have to engage anyone in conversation, 2] that they quickly establish the most expeditious routes through the gallery, and 3] that they don’t have to wait in a line for a drink. Under these circumstances, a drink is a luxury they don’t really have. Now it’s 6:20 PM and they have to wait for the aforementioned valet who is now starting to get busy. Ten minutes pass before they’re back in the car and on their way to the next opening; a 15 minute drive. Now it’s 6:45 PM and, yes, they face more valets, only this time they’re fumbling with rolls of cash and endless sets of misplaced keys. I’m adding at least 10 minutes more here. Now it’s 6:55 PM, and they have to go through the aforementioned process all over again…without a hitch. By 7:10 PM they’re walking on thin ice, given the fact that the next stop is a 15 minute drive. If they’re lucky, they’ll make one more opening before the lights are out and the doors padlocked.

The idea behind all of this is, I suppose, that people will choose to attend one or two particular openings before going to dinner. So what happens to the rest of us who’d like to maybe have a word or two with the artist, hang out with friends, actually finish a glass of wine AND attend more than one gallery opening? Forget it. You play by their rules. Sure they get screwed, financially, but you STILL play by their rules. Shit, they should be there all night long waiting for people to wander in AFTER they’ve had a few cocktails! They could sell every goddamned piece of art by the time the sun started rising! You have to wonder what the hell is wrong with these people? What do they have to do that’s more important than selling art after 8:00 PM? NOTHING! If they were a car dealership, they’d be out of business. And these are the same people who whine the most about slow sales. Their attitude is like some kind of religion, because trying to rationalize any of this with them is like talking to the dead.