28 May 2007, Posted by jay rusovich , 4 Comments
As you slide into your late 40’s, you will begin to notice a decline in the pool of available women; particularly women you would ever consider dating. There are many reasons for this and none of them are particularly pleasant or encouraging. But there’s a silver lining here, so bear with me.
If you’re reasonably handsome and affluent, you can expect to meet and date a relatively large number of divorced and/or disenfranchised women in their mid-30’s, usually with a kid or two. These days, the divorce rate has carved a new class of Cinderella refugees and you’re now on the receiving end of why things didn’t pan out. So get ready. These women are everywhere and they need your support.
And since you’re at the top of your particular demographic food chain, you expect her to be at the top of hers, but conditionally. If you want the flawless body, you’re going to have to pay for it. Not in the “leave the cash on the counter” sense, but over time, which will cost a lot more. Remember that most guys their age won’t take the bait because they’re looking at the mid-20’s women who haven’t been through the emotional Cuisinart.
So this 30-something group is looking for the best deal they can get – and this time around – romance isn’t their biggest concern. Doing the math, you subtract a little over 50 percent of the previously available women, add some baggage, and you’re down to somewhere in the range of 48% of the now available women who have either, 1] never married, 2] are divorced, without children, or 3] divorced with children. If you subtract the women who’ve never been married, you’re down to somewhere in the 15% range…and that’s being very generous.
This is your target group, but it’s also the most difficult to mine.
First of all, most of them have been through hell and back. They’re jaded, angry, defensive, callous and often, heavily medicated. Many have been in and out of rehab, psychotherapy and AA. They are not going down easily as they watch the rest of their sisters fight custody battles, financial meltdowns and abusive spouses. They’ve learned the art of independence. They are sharp, literate, self-sufficient…and, more often than not, narcissistic. They still believe that THE ONE is out there…and he’s within 5 years of her age. Her job is to find him, and find him she will, so step out of the way, Jack. Unfortunately for this woman, she will probably be on the hunt well into her 40’s and, hopefully, have a trust fund to support her unrequited fantasies. In short, this diamond in the rough is more like a shard of glass in the sand and better enjoyed from a distance as she beds 20-something guys – one after the other – in a vain attempt to hang on to her fading youth. Forget this one. She’s not worth the aggravation.
The next group is compromised of divorced women, without children. They’ve been down the road and know what to expect. They understand that marriage is about partnership, compromise and endless negotiation. They’d love to still believe in fairy tales, but they read romance novels, instead. They have jobs, they have lots of dates with men within 5 years of their age [if they’re fit and attractive], and they tend to remain single until it’s too late. They don’t want to make the same mistake twice, so the men they date have to fit an exacting set of criteria put for by self-help books, female talk show hosts, and all-about-me magazines. If you’re more than 10 years their senior, be careful. They don’t want to feel like their selling out, so they’ll wait until their very late 30’s to pull the plug on the fantasy. This group is a tough sell because they’re pulled in all directions. Young enough to still attract 20-something guys, and old enough to appeal to the sensibility of older, more sophisticated men – who want more than just a trophy – these women have their hands full. Their biggest problem is in trying to find someone “age-appropriate” with whom they can bear a child. Remember, she’s 35 and the guy is nowhere in sight.
This places enormous pressure on an early 40’s guy who might prefer a couple of unencumbered years with her before playing dad. In many ways, this is your go-to girl, but the odds of a 50 year old guy seriously dating her – regardless of his attributes – are not good. He’ll have to wait a couple more years for her to come to her senses.
The final group is comprised of women who have had to raise a couple of kids by themselves after their husbands ran away with their secretaries. Nonetheless, you will still have to tolerate the peripheral presence of her ex or ex’s, which may include custody battles, small skirmishes, and other emotional fallout that has nothing to do with you. The big question you have to ask yourself is whether or not all the turmoil improves or obliterates an otherwise charmed life? After all, you’ve experienced success. You have a nice car or two, a nice home and well-balanced portfolio. Do you really want to inherit this nightmare? Most men think twice about it and run for the hills.
Now that we’ve gone through this exercise in generalities, let’s look at some special cases. A rock star, movie star or sports star can – more or less – date anyone, any age he chooses. In this group, it is very common for a man to be 20, 30 or 40 years older than his girlfriend or wife. Unfortunately, this is not a template for most of us, but there are some exceptions. You might have the fortune of meeting an enlightened, open-minded art school graduate, musician or dancer who loves the attention and upscale lifestyle of an intriguing older man. She may even fall in love with you. And this may be your ticket. Most guys I know try to focus on this largely untapped group because they are everything a man wants: Intelligence, creativity, youth, beauty, low damage, no baggage…and great sex. But you have to go where they go to make this happen, and that is often the toughest part. Hanging out at a rock club at 3 in the morning can beat the shit out of anyone, but for an older guy it’s almost unbearable. Try coffee shops and art openings, instead.
In the end, though, there is always some salvation for the older guy who just can’t live without the beauty, the hot sex and the conversation, which brings me to the ubiquitous stripper and/or gold-digger. Most guys, though, don’t like the stigma of dating an outed stripper, so they choose the later. These women haunt the upscale establishments of major metropolitan areas. They often speak a couple of languages, thanks to a sugar-daddy who put them up in Paris or Madrid. Many just learn a second language – or parts of a second language – in an effort to live down a pat that’s less than luminous. They usually whitewash everything that happened before they met you and hope you’ll just focus on their perfect ass, porn star sex, and good cocktail party banter. These women are fine as long as you don’t mind losing a few million along the way. Remember, they’re building an asset base, not looking for love…or you, as in the REAL you.
So there you have it. The silver lining I mentioned earlier is the fact that the cards are in your hands. You’re not the one who has the biological need for kids. Your bills are paid. Your health is good. You play when you choose, how you choose…and for how long you choose. No “you can’t always get what you want, but you get what you need.”
The bottom line is: If you hit the lotto, congratulations. If not, live long and prosper. Do a few laps in your own swimming pool, have a margarita and bounce a nickel off the tight butt of that little stripper who visits on Thursday afternoons…
